Monday, December 17, 2007

BLOG FIESTA #2: The depraved words of a hungry man.

Horseshit! HORSESHIT! This is horseshit. I set my bag down for a mere, mere, mere minute and a half, and you TSA fools, you TSA jerks, you TSA assholes took it away. It was filled from bread and bagels, muffins and danishes, all recklessly pilfered from the Holiday Inn's breakfast buffet. I needed those bread items, you fools jerks assholes, because I have elsewhere in my baggage, a near full jar of peanut butter, and a near full jar of jelly. I was eagerly anticipating the time when I could transmogrify those lifeless gels and bland shingles into satisfying, satiating, triple-decker sandwiches. PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY ALONE ARE WORTHLESS TO ME, YOU HEAR ME FOOLS JERKS ASSHOLES??? Not to mention that when I try to pass through security you will no doubt identify my harmless food items as being probable bomb components, and confiscate them, shamelessly. You'll take my delicious peanut paste and strawberry mash into some back room where you'll construct your own delicious, delightful, triple-decker sandwiches PROBABLY WITH MY GODDAM BREAD!!!

(pause)

(breath)

I must be
strong.

I must

wait.

Airport food I shall buy.
But not

yet.

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