The Book of Tights

I might have to channel my frustration like this:

And there arrived a letter in the Inbox,
And the letter told of a spectacular offer on nice new Castelli tights,
And the tights were closeout 2006

So the people rejoiced

And the people pounced on the offer,
And they filled out their check right away,
And they mailed their order the next day

So the people waited

And they waited six holy nights and six holy days,
And the people's housemate returned with the letter,
And it had merely fallen out of the mailbox into a bush

So the people steeled their nerves and tried again

And the letter with the check was again placed in the mailbox
And the mailman came
And again, the order was placed

So again, the people waited

And they waited six holy nights and six holy days
And the letter was FUCKING RETURNED TO SENDER???
And they just couldn't believe this shit!!!

So the people cursed at the sky, and tore at their hair, and once again re-mailed that goddam letter

And the people hated snail mail all the more
And the question was asked: "what's it take to get my goddam tights?"
And there was only silence

Because there was no answer