Thursday, December 11, 2008

So I’m a Bus Driver Now (While Still Remembering My Caveman Roots)

I’m supposed to write the blog post for Tuesday September 9th. For the most part, it was another long day of travel; however, I had my first day of driving the bus, and what a first day it was. For the most part, my drive was uneventful, with one big exception. When writing stories this ridiculous I prefer to default to my caveman alter-ego Krogg – his powers of observation are only exceeded by his way with words. Take it away Krogg:

So Monday and Tuesday TEMA have big travel days. Group decide to leave Earth Dome place early – Jeff say group did more work than he expect (plus group grumpy about building Jeff’s vacation house), so group decide go to Sayulita instead. TEMA bus drive for three hours, then take ferry for six hours, then drive for fifteen more hours, then stop in Mexican town of Tepic to stretch legs and get supplies [Krogg see many many new kinds of food in large market that blow Krogg’s caveman mind – Krogg see three-foot tall pile of Cow Stomach!!!]. After bus have new supplies, it time to go again, and Krogg try driving bus. Things start off okay. Krogg stay on road real good. Krogg take turns nice and slow. Krogg take one speed bump too fast [people in back of bus go flying!], but then Krogg learn real good to slow down before speed bump. After twenty minutes Krogg feel good – drive bus easy! Then Krogg see cars ahead slow down and stop. Krogg slow down and stop. Everyone get out of cars to see what going on. Blitz get out of bus and run up road and talk to other men in road. Him come back and say accident happen up road, semi-trailer sideways, no cars can pass, oh no! Then Krogg and Ryan notice many cars go down small dirt road close by. Ryan talk to nearby man:

Excuse me sir, do you know where that road goes?” Ryan say.

Yeah, it’s just a farm road, but you can get around the accident that way,” man reply.

Do you think we can fit a forty-foot school bus with a giant roof rack down there?” Ryan say.

Man stare blankly at Ryan at first. After few seconds man say “
uuuuh, sure – it should be easy,” before adding under breath “but you look like just the gringos prove me wrong”.

So Krogg nervously drive bus down narrow dirt road. First Krogg forced to make tight turn near wooden fence. Everyone yell different instructions at Krogg at same time: STOP, GO LEFT, BACK UP, SLOW DOWN, YOU’RE HITTING THE FENCE!!!!. Krogg smash fence to smithereens with bus. Then Krogg forced to make tight turn near crazy ravine. Everyone yell different instructions at Krogg at same time: STOP, GO LEFT, BACK UP, SLOW DOWN, WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!. Krogg perform 17-point turn, but stay on road. Then Krogg forced to go up 15% grade. Everyone yell different instructions at Krogg at same time: STOP, GO LEFT, BACK UP, SLOW DOWN, GO FASTER!!!. Krogg gun engine as hard as it can go, and bus nearly grind to halt, and wheels in back nearly lose traction, but bus make it over hill. Finally Krogg forced to drive through narrow road with fields of sugar cane on both sides. Bus just smash sugar cane out of way, and this actually pretty fun compared to other ordeals, so this time everyone just laugh and yell YIPPIE!!!. At long last bus return to paved road and Krogg rather pleased by this development. From now on, all driving done by Krogg will seem easy.

5 comments:

Stanglor said...

Krog smash. Stanglor like smash.

colin said...

sounds like the good bus driving wasn't in spite of the caveman roots, but because of it.

Mandel said...

krogg do thing

INDIA.ARI said...

Krogg grog rog, kog, grok?

(Neolithic Neanderthal Northern Krogg stuck in 2 week winter snow-ice storm! gorp!)

Morgan said...

Absolutely hilarious....love the alter ego. Sounds like an experience of a lifetime Sam!