25 Random Things ***OH BOY!!!!***

Oh gosh, here we go -- as anyone who is on Facebook must know by now, there's a viral "25 random things" deal going around, and it's more contagious than the flu. The premise is simple: write 25 zany little pieces of trivia about yourself; try to be cute and clever; try not to sound trite or self-absorbed; then tag 25 of your friends on the note, thus inspiring them to read about how cute and clever and zany you are, while at the same time giving them an excuse to write their own set of 25 random things without seeming trite or self-absorbed!!! It's the internet folks, and everyone's famous.

I've held out for long enough -- I've been tagged by no less than FOUR people in their "25 random things" posts. Since SO MANY people clearly want to know 25 random things about me, I have no choice but to appease the curious crowd. It's time. But, in typical GliderBison style, I also have no choice but to differ to my good friend (and caveman alter-ego) Krogg. Take it away Krogg:

Krogg predict it rather difficult to write 25 random things -- not only because Krogg can't count that high, but also because Krogg boring caveman. Him lead boring caveman life. Krogg loath randomness. Krogg prefer lower number, perhaps two, random things. But that don't mean that Krogg won't try. Here Krogg's try:

1: One time, when Krogg exploring nearby woods, Krogg discover single giant elk antler. Krogg only six years old, so elk antler seems like especially good thing to stumble across whilst traipsing through woods. Krogg try to fashion exquisite headdress out of elk antler, but eventually give up, realizing that one-antlered headdress look dumb. Krogg bitter that stupid elk didn't leave both stupid antlers at same spot. Krogg imagine one-antlered elk look even dumber than one-antlered headdress.

2: Krogg able to catch flying mosquito with bare hands. Krogg opposed to death penalty, but thoughtlessly smites captured mosquitoes. Krogg plagued by this suspected moral contradiction.

3: Krogg guilty as charged: Krogg sometimes lick plates clean with tongue, even at dinner table, especially if covered in chocolate sauce.

4: Krogg jealous of the life led by squirrels -- pretty sure squirrel scene in The Sword and the Stone partly responsible. Krogg still have crush on cute girl squirrel, and completely agree with Merlin: love greater force than gravity. Krogg filled many videotapes with squirrel footage in college; roommate initially amused, eventually perturbed.

5: Not unlike Krogg's sister, Krogg bite fingernails. Krogg convinced this behavior is genetic.

6: Krogg fail to watch single Oscar nominated movie except Dark Knight. Nevertheless, Krogg still indigent Benjamin Button won so much, which causes Krogg to question man's ability to have truly unique thoughts.

7: Krogg already bored of writing 25 random things. Not good sign.

8: Krogg have crazy dream last night -- Krogg was Harry Potter. Krogg (as Harry) was chased all around magical woods by students and faculty of Hogwarts. Krogg (as Harry) hid from students and faculty; wanted to use magic but couldn't remember single goddam spell to save his life. Krogg pretty sure dream is metaphor for climate change.

9: Krogg's first kiss was with actress during rehearsal for school play. Director had to walk Krogg through kiss beforehand, step-by-step: "so your lips are going to meet her lips like this," director explained, her left hand puckering up and gently kissing her right. Krogg horrified. Co-star (high school senior with great deal of kissing experience) unenthused. Play ultimately successful.

10: Dimes confuse and anger Krogg -- why you so small dimes?! Smaller than pennies? Pennies worthless. Krogg no understand! Why dimes, why? [See? Krogg cute, clever and zany caveman!]

11: Krogg recently received traffic ticket for performing perfectly legal right hand turn while light was red. Secret surveillance camera spotted Krogg, and Krogg received ticket in mail for violating Seattle Municipal Code 11.50.150 (Red Arrow Violation). Krogg returned to scene of "crime" and found neither red arrow, nor sign suggesting right hand turn was not allowed during red light. You're goddam right Krogg will contest that ticket. Krogg convinced traffic surveillance cameras are bad idea for mankind, and eventually robots will rule the world.

12: Krogg fear robots.

13: Krogg also love robots. Krogg suspicious this "loving what will one day surely destroy you" phenomenon also genetic. Or robots just blow Krogg's mind nearly every day.

14: Cavemen can't count past 14. Plus now Krogg really bored.