YOU EEEEEEEEDIOT!

Well, today was hard. Very hard. The combination of unusually high winds, a lot of strong racers, and the fact that the GC was wide open (thanks to this year's rearranging of the stages) made for a very hard race. AWH SHIT GUYS WERE CRASHING LEFT AND RIGHT, THE CROSSWINDS NEARLY BLEW THE WHOLE THING APART, CHRIST IT WAS HARD.

As for my race, I chose a very inopportune time to take a pee. I ended up off the back chasing like a bat out of hell, shooting all my bullets, burning all my matches, launching all my rockets trying to chase back on instead of using those valuable incendiaries on the final climb (like a smart racer would). I LITERALLY PISSED MY RACE AWAY!@!!!#$@

DID YOU READ THAT??? LET ME TYPE IT BIGGER:

I LITERALLY PISSED MY RACE AWAY!!!!!!!!!
I LITERALLY PISSED MY RACE AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM AN IDIOT!!!!!!!!

There shall be a reckoning. Stage 3. Or 4. Or 5. BUT MARK MY WORDS!!!!
This is Sam, OVER AND OUT.

p.s. a post regarding the status of this week's poll is on its way.
p.p.s. results can be found here.

A Rare Species of Mullethawk

Here's a recent facebook interaction I had:

Duncan: For various reasons including zero good ones, the rare species of the mullethawk has arrived at Whitman and appears to be contagious- I myself recently came down with what looks like a lasting infection. I urge you to be strong.

GliderBison: EGAD NO!!! Duncan, not you too?!?! My condolences to be sure. You have almost certainly caught a strain of Euro-Trashitis -- a rare but dangerous affliction. Hopefully your case won't lead to complications such as "Fu-Manchosis" commonly known as "furry upside-down horseshoe on your face" syndrome. My advice would be to avoid attending techno-pop concerts (you didn't go to the Blue Moon Release Party, did you? I heard that was just crawling with dance-jams???), tektonic dancing, or prolonged exposure to tight pants, gold spandex, or aviator sunglasses. Best of luck.

You have been warned.

Glider Bison Poll: To Shave Or Not To Shave?

As my first NRC race draws near, I've been forced to make some tough decisions. For instance, today, I went into my old shop, dropped about half the balance of my checking account on some new parts for my road bike -- I can't be showing up to the Gila with a bike that sounds like it's ready to explode, now can I?

Well unfortunately there are certain forces in my life that would like to see me adopt a more "professional" appearance. There are also those who wish to see me maintain my "unique flair". Therefore, in the name of fairness and the democratic spirit, I've decided to put it to you, dear blog readers. Voting begins now on the right side of the page (note: won't work on the facebook uploads, you'll have to go to the actual blog) and ends Monday at noon. Spread the word --

p.s. I fully encourage a healthy dialog on the matter -- post comments to voice your opinions (or to suggest other options).

GLIDER BISON NEWS FLASH!!!

That's right....we're IN to the Tour of Utah. One of only five amateur teams, Hagens Berman has been formally invited to compete "America's toughest stage race". Holy shit. Buckle up. I'm down here in New Mexico preparing for the Tour of the Gila at the moment, an infamously tough stage race boasting a massive 24,300 feet of climbing. The Tour of Utah makes this race look like a stroll through the park -- it's got 30,000' of climbing! At altitude??? With 12 pro teams in attendance??? GOOD LORD. That's why I'm:

Walla Walla Roundup

Well dang. I have to say -- my hat is off to the Red Truck team. After watching them fold under pressure in Willamette, I was honestly expecting the same thing to happen last weekend (especially with SO much more pressure). There were at least three strong teams hitting those guys with everything they had, and they stayed cool under fire. Several of their guys marked moves (and sat on them), chilled out and protected Rob Britton (who was in the race lead by a solid 2:15), while the other half of their team rode at the front to control breakaways. After 75 miles of racing Red Truck had enough fresh guys to actually go on the offensive -- much to our surprise and dismay. Getting to form an echelon and do some real damage to the peloton was fun, but it would have been more fun if we weren't also desperately trying to chase back the leaders. My team closed the gap to within a minute or so, and then Justin Rose of the Bob's team and I struck out on our own. It was, to quote Justin "the bridge of our lives". We caught up to the leaders, but were so completely blown that we couldn't do anything other than watch the attacks go up the road and suffer like beaten dogs for the final 5 miles of racing. To illustrate my point: the final ascent of the climb out of Waitsburg I was in my easiest gear (a 39x23), cranking over maybe 75 RPM's, my face contorted in a mask of pain, going as hard as I could go. Honest to god, I considered getting off and trying to jog. Earlier in the race, I'd tap danced to the top of that climb in my big ring without even realizing it. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

That's what I look like when "the wheels come off".


Thanks to Amara from WheelsInFocus.com. If you ever want to purchase top quality shots of all the best races in the Northwest, go there!

MAGIC SOAP!!!

Dear Dr. Bronner,

Your soap is so fucking amazing it makes my head spin. Thank you for inventing this amazing soap! It cleans my hands, it shampoos my hair, it lathers my body.
FUCK YEAH!
It cleans my dishes, it decreases my chain, it it washes my clothes.
FUCK YEAH!
It makes a mighty fine tooth paste, it kills the fungus on my feet, it tastes delicious drizzled on a salad.
FUCK YEAH!
Mixed with gasoline it makes napalm, blended with orange juice and ice it makes a daiquiri, added to gasoline it improves your gas mileage by 30 percent.
FUCK YEAH!

I love your soap.

Tour of Wah Wah Wah.

Yes, I'm 3/4 of the way through the Tour of Walla Walla. The race has been mostly good. You can go over the full results at the race's website, but here are some of the highlights:

20 mph sustained winds all day Friday. We rode very well. Kind of. We were represented in all the moves, we were very aggressive, everybody was near the front in the crosswinds, we had six guys in the front group of 30, and I won the sprint, thanks to a killer lead out (nobody other than a Hagens Berman rider hit the front of the race for the last 5 miles of the race). Unfortunately, all that good riding wasn't good for much -- earlier in the race, we committed a major tactical blunder in letting a very strong rider escape from the group and gain a lot of time on the field. He was marked by and HB rider, but ended up breaking away, and keeping most of his gap on the field. He was nearly 3 minutes ahead at the end of the stage.

I won the TT!!! This win marks the end of a serious drought in wins for me. Aside from the Lovell World Championships (which, sadly, isn't sanctioned by USAC or the UCI), I hadn't won a bike race since July of 2006. My number of or third place finishes was in the double digits, however -- I was beginning to feel like Erik Zabel, a perpetual runner-up. This win takes a lot of pressure off. Phew.

We got SMACKED on Saturday afternoon. I might wait to tell you about that one -- but let's just say the Red Truck team didn't exactly crumple under our might as we'd hoped. I slid from 2nd to 5th GC. Ouch.

I'm a few hours from the final criterium -- one of the funnest crits of the year in my opinion. The weather is blustery, partly cloudy, and dry. Yippie. GO US!!!