Friday, August 8, 2008

Me and Only Me....

This story can only be told from the perspective if everyone's favorite caveman. Take it away Krogg:

OK Krogg tell you story now. Krogg not exactly proud of story, but feels it necessary to share with blog readers so emotional healing can begin. Story happen last weekend -- Saturday to be precise . Krogg decide to race bikes again. This time, Krogg's team sponsor race, so Krogg wake up at five-fucking-thirty in morning and carpool to Gig Harbor in time to help set up race, even though Krogg's race no start until 1:00 PM. Krogg drive in wheel car behind cat 4/5 race at 9:00 AM, then behind Cat 3 racer at 11:00 AM. Eventually Krogg get hungry, so Krogg go to bakery and eat sandwich. Krogg eat yummy sandwich with gusto. Then Krogg wash yummy sandwich down with yummy sticky bun. Krogg have happy belly before race. Then Krogg get back from bakery and get prepare for Cat 1/2 race at 1:00. This race called Lake Washington Circuit Race #2 -- twisty-turny-hilly race this time -- Krogg like! Since Krogg have state TT championships next day, Krogg's coach give strict instructions:

"Under no circumstances do I want you to animate that race Krogg, you hear?" coach say. But Krogg little bit hard of hearing. "Ok coach -- Krogg animate race real good," Krogg reply.

When racers line up, Krogg whisper to Nick "Nick, Krogg think it good idea to attack early -- twisty-turny-hilly mean early attack have good chances, ok?"

"Sure Krogg, whatever," Nick say while rolling eyes. Krogg think him not agree with Krogg. But Nick smart racer. Him agree real good.

So race get started. Race course short -- 4.2 miles with steep little hill and fast fast descent. Nine laps total. First time up hill, Krogg attack! At first Krogg think he have solo breakaway, but Krogg look between legs and see wheel of one other racer, so him pull over and let other racer come through -- OTHER RACER NICK??? NICK?? WHAT NICK DOING HERE???

"Nick, two Hagens Berman racers up road not exactly balanced team distribution -- other teams chase us for all they're worth. You realize this yes?" Krogg say to Nick.
Nick just shrug shoulders, pick up pace, and Krogg hang on for dear life.

Gap grows! So Krogg and Nick keep going. Soon Nick and Krogg have two minute lead -- Krogg think Nick and Krogg lucky race so short, soon only 4 laps to go! Gap keeps going up, and Krogg feel pretty damn proud of himself! On last lap, Krogg certain victory is theirs! NICK AND KROGG TORE THE FIELD'S FUCKING LEGS OFF!! WIN BY 3:45! Here photographic evidence [special thanks to Rob Whittaker at GC Racing, LLC. He took this on his killer new FinishLynx camera] :
After race, Krogg feel pretty fucking good! Him do dance in parking lot. Unfortunately, dance in parking lot interrupted by race official.

"Krogg, can I have a word with you," race official say.

"FUCK YEAH YOU CAN," Krogg shout, while still shaking booty in victory dance. Krogg wonder why race official not smiling....

"Krogg, your name wasn't on the start list. Did you, um, register for the race?"

Krogg stop dancing. Krogg face go pale. Krogg actually get a little bit nauseous right then. "Uh.....haha....sure, sure Krogg register for race," Krogg say with uneasy smile, while simultaneously lunging for blank registration form, "haha -- what you take Krogg for? Cat 5 caveman?" Krogg fill out form with panicky illegible scrawl, and offer form to official with wink and smile. Krogg's hand tremble a little.

Race official not find Krogg's antics so funny. Him not accept frantically scribbled registration form. "I'm very sorry Krogg, but the rules are quite clear -- I have to disqualify you."

Krogg can't fucking believe this shit. Apparently, while Krogg out feasting on pastrami sandwich and sticky bun, him forget all about registration for race. Since Krogg's team promoter of race, him not need to pay entry fee, and since it WSBA race, him already have race numbers. Understandable perhaps, but Krogg know full well him never live this shit down. Krogg have no doubt that him hear "Krogg, did you remember to register?" for years to come.

Krogg colossally dumb -- even for caveman!


Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

whatever. Cave men are hot.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, me win race last month and get DQ'd for having number on wrong side. Me get so mad me kick best friend Barney.

Anonymous said...

Heidi heart Krogg still.