Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Goofiest Winter Olympic Sport?

So which Winter Olympic sport is the goofiest? Well there's quite a range to choose from, so let's get started:


Also known as Canadian Bowling or Competitive Sweeping, curling is a game that requires a large amount of skill, focus, and strategy. It's a beautiful, elegant game that is easy to learn, but hard to master. The only question I have is what the hell it's doing alongside the other sports (ones that require athleticism) at the Olympics. I mean, why curling? why not snow golf? or snow chess? Curling, you're GOOFY!


I'm sure biathlon was invented long ago by some northern country as a way to train soldiers. It makes sense, right? If your country is covered in snow, you'd want a fast-skiing, straight-shooting infantry, right? Well now we have Predator Drones and such, so modern times have made this sport seem a little GOOFY!

Doubles Luge

While other sports might be goofier, I can't think of a single sport that appears more homoerotic. One spandex-clad man climbs aboard another spandex-clad man, and away they go, jouncing about down that bumpy track, and -- oh no, here comes a turn, hold on tight! Racing a bicycle in a tight pack of guys involves staring for hours at a lot of guys' asses, and there are positions in greco-roman wrestling that look very sexual, but no other sport guarantees crotch-to-ass contact like doubles luge. The slow motion replays look just like pornography for crying out loud! GOOFY!

Nordic Combined:

I didn't even know this sport existed until this year. Apparently some disgruntled nordic racer decided the only way he was going to win a race was if he invented a new sport, one that combined his mediocre skiing abilities with another skill he possessed: ski jumping. Here's how it works: first, all the competitors jump off the giant ski jump. Then, based on their jump, they are awarded pro-rated start times for a 10k nordic race, those with the best ski jump starting first. The winner of the nordic race is the winner of the whole event. Now, pairing shooting and nordic seems to make sense (or at least did at one point), but why ski jumping and nordic? Is it just because of that one disgruntled skier? Honestly, I have no idea now Nordic Combined got started, but it seems pretty arbitrary to me. Why not ski jumping and figure skating? Or dog-sledding and skiing -- wait, that sport already exists? it's called skijoring
and they already tried to make it an olympic sport back in the 1920's? GOOFY!!!!

1 comment:

EazyE said...

I want and NEED that pink skuinsuit. It would work well for team pursuit, too.