It is with joyous heart and grateful soul that I take pen to paper. I write not on my own behalf (though my own gratitude is indeed substantial), but rather my words today are written for another: the honorable caveman Krogg. As you are undoubtedly aware, Krogg is not a master of the King's English (nor any English for that matter). Thus, at Krogg's request, I shall translate his grunts and gestures into prose.
The recent arrival of a new Felt 29er was the cause of much celebration around Krogg's cave. Krogg took one look at those magnificent, humongous wheels, and shed a single caveman tear, for until this day, this glorious day, Krogg had never laid leg upon a steed that fit its rider so well. However, this handsome, hulking machine perfectly mirrors Krogg's riding style; where normal-sized bikes are obliged to steer around obstacles, 29er's simply roll willy-nilly over everything: rocks, bushes, curbs, small animals, large animals, and more. As Krogg is fond of saying: "KROGG NO LIKE STEER! STRAIGHT LINE FASTER!"
Rarely has there been such a perfect marriage of form, function, and caveman like Krogg and his 29er. Observe the lucky troglodyte, in a jubilant, mountain-top display of gratitude:
Krogg feels at home on this new monstrosity of a velocipede in the same way a penguin feels at home in the sea, or a hawk feels at home in the skies. From the bottom of his heart, Krogg sends his thanks.