Thursday, September 15, 2011

DIE JET LAG, YOU BASTARD!!!


Of the many things I hate about jet lag, the worst is sensing that my body is both in need of rest, and completely unwilling to take it. Dammit brain, power-down, will you?

Of the many frustrating things I hate about jet lag, the worst is realizing that tomorrow will be another day of battling waves of near overwhelming fatigue. Those waves will probably hit just as we arrive at the mighty castle, historic battlefield, towering cathedral, etc..

Of the many frustrating, infuriating things I hate about jet lag, the worst is hearing my roommate fall quickly asleep, and stay sleeping all through the night (or at least most of it). Kai, you lucky bastard!

Of the many frustrating, infuriating, cowardly things I hate about jet lag, the worst is waking up and thinking it's starting to get light outside (which would thus indicate that I slept until roughly 6am – a new record), only to find it's actually just past midnight. Curses!

Of the many frustrating, infuriating, cowardly, venomous things I HATE about jet lag, the worst is that it's just like insomnia, except with a titillating hour of sleep beforehand – you know, just to show you what you're missing.

Of the many frustrating, infuriating, cowardly, venomous, hornswoggling things I HATE ABOUT JET LAG, the absolute worst has got to be knowing that I'm probably going to fall soundly asleep...about 45 minutes before we're supposed to go for our training ride.

Of the many frustrating, infuriating, cowardly, venomous, hornswoggling, mellifluous things I FRICKIN' HATE ABOUT JET LAG, the worst has got to be realizing that I'll probably adjust to this new time zone just before I head home. I can't wait to repeat this process back in Boise. Yippie.

Of the many FRUSTRATING, COWARDLY, VENEMOUS, HORNSWOGGLING, MELLIFLUOUS, REALLY REALLY BAD THINGS I FRICKIN' HATE ABOUT JET LAG, the worst has got to be that the thesaurus portion of my brain has just shut down, and I can no longer summon satisfying adjectives to describe my hatred of jet lag. POOP! POOP EVERYWHERE! A THOUSAND GALLONS OF POOPY POOP!

Alright. Let's try sleeping again, shall we? It's my third go of it tonight – maybe it'll be the charm?  

6 comments:

Jamie Stangeland said...

I've got four syllables for you.
Melatonin.

Or as the French say, mélatoline.

It's safe, natural, non habit forming, and FUCKING AWESOME. Buy some now.

Nancy said...

If only you could lay your hands on a copy of "The Red Badge of Courage". That book put me to sleep if I thought about reading it.

Notimer said...

Jamie already said it, so I'll emphasize::

MELATONIN

Mary Topping said...

Great word, mellifluous. Haven't thought about that one in a while. Maybe, having written about it all, you'll sleep like a baby. Sending you sweet dreams.

Ryan D said...

Failing Melatonin, perhaps a bottle of Frobscottle?

IAN! said...

You have at least made my day: BOTH HORNSWOGGLE and MELLIFLUOUS in one post. Huge boners. Though, I don't quite grasp why your jet lag is mellifluous, unless is speaks to you in soothing and warm tone. KERFUFFLE that mutherfucker.