Brad Neely -- I SALUTE YOU!

Things:

• I like humor. 
• I'm a bit of a nerd.
• I like nerdy humor. 
• I like humor that ridicules, yet glorifies nerdy stuff. 
• I like Brad Neely's nerdy humor.

Exhibit A: 

Note: it's funnier if you've actually played Dungeons and Dragons, and funnier still if you've ever spent vast quantities of your time in a game shop playing Dungeons and Dragons with others.

Other things:

• I like Harry Potter.
• I like making fun of Harry Potter more than I like Harry Potter.
• I really like Brad Neely's full length voice over for Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. 

Exhibit B: 

And here's exhibit C:



That was just a taste. The full experience requires that you download the feature length voice-over from here, and then get yourself a copy of the Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone DVD. You play the DVD on mute, and sync up Neely's sound track (yes I've done this, thank you Ian Mensher). The process is a touch tedious, but willikers is it worth it! Neely is a poet and orator of the highest order, and his voice-over is 1,000 times more entertaining than the sound on the movie. Trust me, fans of humor, nerdy stuff, Harry Potter, or Brad Neely -- it will be time well-spent. 

KROGG ROAR!!!

KROGG ROAR!!!!


Krogg arrive home last night after particularly good Monday. Krogg start day with eat breakfast alongside father and sister. Have reasonably productive day at work. Go to gym and get ass kicked by skinny girl in aerobics class. Come home. PHEW! KROGG TIRED! Krogg want delicious dinner, but too tired to grab spear and hunt, so Krogg hunt in freezer instead. Krogg burrow to bottom of freezer and find bag of something, unmarked, probably leftover food. Krogg feeling like adventurous caveman and figure -- why not?! Thaw bag, and put mysterious brown liquid in bowl, then throw in microwave until food reach volcano heat. Krogg unsure of flavors used in brown soup food, but figure addition of cheddar cheese probably safe. Take first bite and -- wow! Food great! Green chile used in food. Big yum. Caveman rewarded for playing freezer roulette.

Other news: Krogg truck in repair shop for still-unidentified problems with fire motor. Good thing Krogg able to bike everywhere! 

Krogg suggest you take lesson from the Motherfucking Pterodactyl (sightly NSFW). 

AIRPORTS!

Krogg spend large amount of time in airports today. Fly back from San Dimas to Boise. LAX bad airport: bad food, no WiFi, expensive candy. Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport GREAT airport! Good food (with HOT salsa!), free WiFi, and cheap candy make Krogg HAPPY CAVEMAN! 


In celebration of HAPPY CAVEMAN Krogg post a few video to share:




First, Krogg love NASA. Krogg think about space, and space exploration more than average caveman, and that is why Krogg like this video about why NASA should stay funded. KROGG WANT GO TO MARS!!!!!






Next video called Project Song. Watch Moby write song easier than Caveman smash tree with club! Moby seem like moody little bitch to work with, but Krogg no deny talent. More on NPR music. 








Last video (short one this time) of fourth-grade girl hucking body off ski jump for first time. Girl brave! Braver than Krogg, that for sure! Listen to child overcome extreme fear: 

San Dimas in the BOOKS!

And it's DONE!
What a topsy-turvy, up and down, high then low San Dimas.
I already covered what happened in the TT.
The road race was crazy. The conditions were exactly what I hoped they'd be: freezing cold and soaking wet. It's not that I actually enjoy racing in that...

Of course not! It's miserable. The rooster tails that shoot off every wheel send a constant stream of dirty water and road grime into your face. Think of it this way: the water goes in your mouth, so it's like licking the road for four hours straight. You either wear glasses (which is like driving through a thunderstorm without windshield wipers), or you don't (which means you blink a lot of grime out of your eyes, but at least when you can see, you see clearly). I chose the latter. You get soaked no matter what, and your core temperature drops steadily throughout the entire race. By the end, unless you have neoprene gloves (GOOD CALL KEVIN), your fingers no longer work, and you have to use your palms to shift gears. Which is awkward, especially when you're shivering, and going 30 miles per hour (think about it). Racing in freezing rain sucks -- there's no two ways around it. 

...it's just that I tend to do better when the weather sucks. And I won't deny I felt strong. In cycling they say "you can either be the hammer, or you can be the nail." Well for the first five laps (of 12), I was definitely the hammer. Aggression was my middle name, and it felt great to let Krogg take a few swings with the ol' battle axe.

Lap 6.
Morgan went up the road.
Crash! Somewhere back there Serge and Kevin got caught up in a crash. They're gone. From seven down to five.
Wow. The breakaway might stick. Morgan might take the Jersey here.
Logan feels great and is queuing up for the sprint!
CRAMPS! MOTHERFUCKER! CRAMPS like BAD cramps going over the climb the final time.
Finish. Morgan 5th. Logan 8th. Me? Off the back, but within reason.

Holyshit:
MORGAN...IS...IN...YELLOW!

Letting that sink in. GO TEAM EXERGY! Wait...uh-oh. Now we've only got five guys left in the race, and we've got to defend a one second gap for 90 minutes with plenty of time bonuses up for grabs. It's a puzzle, and a tough one.

FUCK -- WHAT?!!

The following penalties have been assessed according to the UCI Scale of Penalties per USAC 3B11 - Category A race: 

12.1.040.19.2.2 Sheltering behind or falling into the slipstream of a vehicle for some time.

#3
Morgan SCHMIDT
Team Exergy
B0189118
$50 and 20”

Are you serious? 20 seconds time penalty? For drafting off the neutral support car after he flatted? This can't be happening. That moves him from 1st to 6th. Wow. Well never mind. Tomorrow just changed dramatically.


Crit.
Again, I need to do better. I did better than last time, but that doesn't change the fact: today was not good enough. I rode in better position, and found the wheel of my teammates towards the front at least a couple times, but I hit far too much brake in far too many corners, and blew my legs to smithereens with half an hour left on the clock. Serge and Morgan got in the break and put the proper pressure on the race. But Logan was alone on the last lap, and that's not how you win bike races -- at least not how you win them often.

Krogg gingerly negotiate corner. Thanks Veloimages

And then it's over. Over and out.

What a Difference a Year Makes

Results from yesterday are here. Team Exergy's Morgan Schmitt finished 4th, and Matt Cooke 5th. Personally, I landed the 31st spot. Here's what I think about that:

Thanks Veloimages for the shot. 

Last year we would have been thrilled with 4th and 5th. But that was before and this is now.
Before we had nothing to prove, a first year pro team at its first big race. 
Now we're wanted men with bounties on our heads, and a Cali invitation to honor. 


Last year I would have been satisfied with 31st. But that was before and this is now. 
Before I would have been happy to have beat so-and-so, or to have paced myself well. 
Now I'm frustrated that I'm far so far down in GC that I don't apply much pressure to the yellow jersey when I go up the road. 


Today we race in the rain, which I love. Things get hectic and confusing, and at times, scary. I'd prefer it to be a little colder, so that as the race progresses, the smaller among us, those whose bodies contain less thermal mass than mine (read: most everybody in the peloton), begin to suffer and shut down and ultimately grind to a halt. But I'll take what I can get. 54° with heavy rain ain't exactly a walk in the park. Today, should the predicted 2-inch deluge actually materialize, this race shall get crazy. And oh -- I like crazy. 


Sincerely, 
-nice giant

In Which: The Internet Gets Very Weird

Your Honor, I humbly submit the following evidence. Exhibit A:


SOLIPSIST from Andrew Huang on Vimeo.


And exhibit B:




Can you handle it?

Such a Good Life for Such a Good Dog

Betty Boop lived the best kind of life: a long one filled start to finish with bountiful love. She was never without food, nor shelter. She always had sticks to chase, and interesting smells to sniff. She lived in amazingly fun places for a dog -- first on a northern New Mexico ranch, and then on a remote lakeshore in Maine. Most importantly she was loved, and loved well, by so many people -- first (and always) by my family when we got her as a puppy, and then by my grandparents, when they came and stayed with us for a while in Santa Fe. They loved her so much, it quickly became clear: Betty Boop should belong to my grandparents. We still got to visit her regularly, and she never forgot us, but she brought a wonderful spark to the lives of my grandparents, and for that Betty, I'm so thankful. Betty Boop, thanks for being such a good dog to so many people.  

Total Game Changer

 

While living in Seattle, I became a huge supporter of the radio station KEXP. For those who don't know, KEXP is the gold standard for community supported radio. Most radio stations suck. KEXP does not. Because they receive most of their funding from listener donations, KEXP is free from the corporate overlords that control most of the radio landscape. The DJ's have excellent taste, a true passion for music, and most importantly -- they play whatever they want. No matter what musical genre is being played, I always like the music (well almost -- Friday night's metal show is a tad much for me). For instance, I normally don't listen to a lot of Rockabilly music, but when I tune into Shake the Shack on KEXP (hosted by Dr. Leon Berman, "the proctologist of Rock'n'roll") I always enjoy myself. KEXP serves as a powerful engine for Seattle's music scene, and provides an unequaled resource for discovering new artists. I adore KEXP, and continue to listen via their live stream.

 

Well the time has come for Boise, Idaho to have a powerhouse community-powered radio station of its own. Enter KRBX, Radio Boise. It's not quite the mature, hallowed institution that KEXP is (yet), but the beginning is there. The potential is there. The community involvement is there, and it's only going go build momentum. I'm so excited to have a radio station that points the the future of the music industry, instead of one that plays the same never-ending loop of poppy-schlocky bullshit that "the major record labels" are trying to sell us. Thank you KRBX, I'm pleased to make your acquaintance. 

Nothing points to the blossoming arts and culture scene in Boise better than KRBX, except possibly for the Treefort Music fest, which is coming riiiiight up. Get your tickets, cuz it's going to be good. I mean they're going to have an Alefort. Just look:

TEPACAP

 

This week, on Monday from 5:30 onward to be precise (and you know how much I love precision), is the third annual Team Exergy presentation and community appreciation party, henceforth abbreviated as the TEPACAP. If you're anywhere near the state of Idaho (mentally or physically), I encourage you to attend. TEPACAP is free and open to the public. This party has it all:

• Awesome photos from training camp taken by Hey Buckshot (the creative geniuses behind the mighty Manual for Speed). 
• Larger-than-life banners of select Team Exergy racers (possibly including yours truly). 
• Gorgeous video taken at training camp by Dave Christenson (the video director extraordinaire behind the Rapha Continental video series). 
• A rollicking' performance by Poke, Boise's favorite country band. 
• All the fancy gear: heaps of shiny, expensive carbon toys. Bikes, wheels, shoes, cranks, pedals, brakes, helmets, kits -- you name it, it'll all be there...so you can pick it up and see how light it is. 
• TONS OF SWAG -- we'll be throwing stuff into the crowd, and raffling off some choice goodies. The raffle is free, but you must be present to win!
• The one and only Dave Towle, "the voice of American cycling," shall act as emcee. 
• ...oh yeah -- A TEAM OF PROFESSIONAL CYCLISTS! 

Doesn't TEPACAP sound like fun? (I suppose, to me, it also sounds like some type of especially virulent airborne disease, but I digress....)  

NO TIME TO REACT -- IT'S ALREADY HERE!

So remember that video of the guy getting hit in the face by a ceiling fan I posted a while back? Well that's kind of how I feel -- not so much in that my hearing is gone and my ear is turning black, but more in that I just got hit by something that I should have seen coming, and yet I still feel like I had no time to react. It's called my cycling season. It's here, and I didn't even realize it. You see, today was the Hammer at the Slammer road race. It was only a 40 mile race, and it was advertised as a training race, but I still feel like I raced today. It was a bike race -- the competition was real, the speeds were real, and the pain in my legs and lungs was very real. I'll let Krogg give you a quick recap, but trust me, I didn't realize the season had started until today.

Today Hammer at Slammer road race. Today only 40 miles, so Krogg get on bike at (painfully) early hour of 7:30 in Ante Meridiem. Krogg pedal bike through Boise on beautiful Sunday morning -- no cars on street, gorgeous sunrise over mountain, crisp clear air. Krogg arrive at race, and experience various frustration: need to register for race, pin number, change from tights to leg warmer, et cetera. Krogg almost fail to manage emotions like well-adjusted adult, and snap at teammate once or twice. Then Krogg race. 

Oh -- how good it feel to race. There nothing like it. Dusty old axe, Krogg pick you up, clean and polish, and then swing with gusto like in old days. Krogg experience true and utter joy (also significant amount of pain), as solo breakaway start halfway though race. Twenty miles long time for solo breakaway, but Krogg pace himself well, and save some for last bit of last lap. Krogg suffer big big ouch during final few miles, but wow -- it worth it. Krogg hang on to finish, and WIN RACE! 

Then Krogg remount bike and continue ride. Krogg figure this training race after all, better keep training. Then, few miles after Krogg leave race, Krogg remember: race official said there would be podium presentation. CRAP! Krogg totally forgot podium! Not pro Krogg, not pro at all! Good thing Krogg have old podium photo to share: 

Krogg have major thanks for teammate Kai Applequist, who set Krogg up beautifully for solo breakaway and then manage field of chasing riders. Kai also strong caveman: him end up second overall on day. NICE WORK KAI! 

And so it was that I won the Hammer at the Slammer road race. In all my years of racing, I've never won my first race of the season. 

AND NOW MORE NEWS: 

Holy hand-grenades, talk about the season starting before you were expecting it: it looks like I'm heading to the San Dimas Stage Race in scarce under two weeks. I've got a bone to pick with that race! For two years running, the San Dimas has been more of a "bogus journey" than an "excellent adventure." I plan on changing that this year. 

AND NOW MORE NEWS: 

My team kicks ass. TODAY:  Logan won stage 4 of Merco, two in the top five on GC, a great day for Exergy. WOW. Visit Exergy's facebook page for the details (if you haven't already), but here's the gist: 

Photo credit pending.