Monday, May 4, 2009

At Least I Was There

They never recognize the little guys, but at least they said I was there -- not only that I started the damn thing!

So Krogg fear he not have very good legs for final stage of Tour of Gila. Unlike last year (when Krogg did have good legs), Krogg pretty sure he get dropped on first major climb. If not, Krogg darn well positive he get dropped over second major climb. If somehow gods smile upon Krogg, and he make it over second major climb, Gila Monster still have third major climb and Krogg have snowball's chance in hell of making it over that. So Krogg decide to try to get into breakaway -- at least that way, he have fun day in front of peloton instead of just waiting around to get his ticket punched like everyone else. Besides, Krogg always been fan of crazy tomahawk suicide breakaway -- BESIDES, IF KROGG DOOMED, KROGG PREFER TO DIE ON OWN TWO FEET, SWINGING BATTLE AXE WILDLY, DEFIANTLY, GLORIOUSLY (and yes, usually futilely) INSTEAD OF SIMPLY PLACING HEAD ON LANCE'S CHOPPING BLOCK AND SAYING "here Lance, here my head -- chop away." Krogg watch enough OLN in July to know that's what happens.

Here's what Krogg remember: a mile or so out of town, official man blow whistle to start race and Krogg start sprinting like madman. Krogg get gap right away, and don't look back. Eventually a group catch Krogg, but Krogg just keep pulling until other racers start helping. At one point, it look like field going to catch Krogg's breakaway -- this would have been very bad for Krogg (Krogg burned half of matchbook in first three minutes of racing), but somehow breakaway stick, and gap grow. Eventually things go smoothly, and Krogg ride in breakaway all day long. Krogg pleased.

When breakaway reach first major climb (fifty miles into race), Krogg get dropped immediately, but Krogg fight hard all the way up, and stay within sight of caravan. Krogg (shamelessly) accept numerous power-feeds from at least three different team cars, and draft service moto (also shamelessly), and very nearly start crying because he can't go any fucking harder and the breakaway is RIGHT THERE but Krogg can't close gap, and mother-of-god why don't they slow down! SERIOUSLY, COULD YOU SLOW DOWN JUST FOR A SECOND AND LET ME CATCH BACK ON FOR FUCK'S SAKE??!!

Krogg reconnect with breakaway at crest of climb, and enjoy hair-raising descent past Gila cliff dwellings (special thanks to Evan Elken -- him take group safely and quickly down hill -- no crazy crashes like last year). Once breakaway reach valley bottom, Krogg go to front of breakaway and drill it -- Krogg decide he doomed on second major climb no matter what, right? so why not pour it all in right then? Krogg been in breakaway for 65 miles, and honestly, Krogg worked much harder for most of that time than guys much stronger than Krogg (mutants like Bradley White, Ben Jacques-Maynes, etc.). When breakaway hit bottom of second major climb, Krogg get dropped like hot rock. Soon afterwards, Krogg get caught by Mellow Johnny's team (and promptly dropped like hot rock). Soon afterwards, Krogg get caught by roughly 80 other racers (and promptly dropped like hot rock). Krogg reach feed zone (still 35 miles from finish, mostly uphill), and decide to beg for ride back to finish, but nobody take pity on poor caveman. So Krogg continue for a little while longer, and finally Bissell van scrape tired caveman off side of road, and give him lift back to finish line. Ouch Ouch Ouch.

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