Sunday, May 10, 2009

Morse Ike Ailing Noose

In Fort Collins:

WHITMAN TOTALLY CREAMS EVERYONE!!!!
Men: 3rd in the TTT
Women: 1ST IN THE TTT!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!

OVERALL OMNIUM WINNERS!!!!!

GO WHITMAN!!!!!!!



In Italy (giro spoiler alert):

Cavendish -- your snarky words of two days ago will BITE YOU IN THE ASS YET!!! My money says he gets no wins in that pretty pink jersey.


In Belgium:

Tom Boonen's latest excuse for the cocaine in his urine? "I was so blacked-out drunk that night I don't remember jack shit -- let alone doing any coke." Remember kids, this isn't a drama, it's a musical comedy, and Tornado Tom doesn't have a coke problem, he has an alcohol problem. Way different.

Who knows what else Tom did whilst in the middle of that full-blown black-out -- maybe Tom's lucky WADA doesn't test for things like STD's, UPI's (unidentified party injury), or embarrassing pictures of Tom Boonen with wisps of white powder around his nose, wearing nothing but a pirate hat, ski goggles and a freshly pissed-in world-champ skinsuit, slumped in a horse trough, barfing straight into his lap, all while Stijn Devolder and three naked hookers laugh uncontrollably in the background (we're still waiting for those to surface on the internet -- keep your fingers crossed).

In Washington:

Adrian the Barbarian continues to rampage his way across the Northwest racing scene, scoring his 9th(??) win of the season. Hagens Berman would have swept the podium (if there had been one): Adrian took first with a record time of 31:18, Nick Clayville second at 32:21, and I was third at 32:28. Boo Yeah.

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