Sunday, May 3, 2009

Like Shooting Fish in a Barrel

So we're about to start stage five of the Tour of the Gila. This is undoubtedly one of the hardest days of racing anyone in this country will do all year. I've done ok here in years past, but really don't think my fitness is what it was last year, so my goals this time around are a little less ambitious. What really gets me is though is how much the Astana guys rub it in our faces that this race is just downright easy for them. 

"Oh yeah, this is a cake walk to us," said Horner, "I guess it's a little harder than napping or reading a book, but it's a lot easier than most forms of light manuel labor, like gardening or mowing a lawn. I mean -- it's a hot day out there -- have you ever mowed a lawn in this kind of heat?" 

"I agree Chris," Levi chimed in, "out there at the Giro we'll be doing 300 mile stages with 30'000 feet of climbing, and we'll have them back to back to back, so honestly, I'm a little worried that racing the Tour of the Gila will turn us into soft little weaklings, and we'll get dropped on highway overpasses and stuff." 

"Wait guys, you don't give this race enough credit," Lance said, "this is a classic race. Most normal humans find this actually difficult. I mean, it's all in how you race it; the other day, after I rode the front for three hours before climbing that little roller (what was that called? The Mag-ee-own?) I got my heart rate above 100 bpm -- so that's something. I mean if I were to do that three or four times in a day I think that'd be a real workout." 

Sheesh guys -- we know you're super human, but must you really flaunt it like that? 

[note: for the more *ahem* gullible readers: SOME OF THESE QUOTES MIGHT BE MADE UP]: 

1 comment:

colin said...

i can't believe they actually said this!!!!!!!!!!!!111@@22!!221213