Wednesday, June 22, 2011

KROGG DESTROY BICYCLE TEST AT EXPO!

So if you watch race you know: Krogg not on Nature Valley roster. Why you ask? Well several reason. One reason is Team Exergy hire new racer -- little someone named FAST FREDDY, EVER HEAR OF HIM? So him take up one spot on NVGP roster. Also, as long time reader might know Krogg not exactly best friend with Nature Valley Grand Prix. In fact, Krogg history at that race tepid at best. Bunch of crazy crits and many hard circuits at end of road race make Krogg go ouch ouch ouch. After Krogg have bad finish at Air Force crits, director and Krogg decide it best Krogg sit out instead. But Krogg still in Minnesota (at least for first day of NVGP), and this give Krogg opportunity to wander around expo. While at expo, Krogg encounter Optum Health Sprint Challenge -- bikes on trainers set up under tent with man in orange jacket who say: 
"Hi there, do you want to take the Optum Health Sprint Challenge?" Krogg slightly peeved about not race bike, so Krogg curious. 
"WHAT SPRINT CHALLENGE?" 
"Well, you get on this bike here, and ride a mile as fast as you can. When you're done you can go online and see things like your power and your speed." 
Krogg eye tiny bike in trainer, and accept challenge. Krogg remember back to 2008 when Krogg SMASH similar bike-based competition, and win nice little heart rate monitor. 
"KROGG READY! RAISE SADDLE HIGH AS IT GO -- KROGG ABOUT TO SMASH!!!!" 
Man give thumbs up (meaning start race0, but Krogg no see!


So, man with orange jacket raise saddle as high as it go, and Krogg straddle little bike. Before Krogg even strap feet into silly pedals, man say
"Ok you're going." 
Krogg not hear good, and say "YOU GIVE KROGG COUNTDOWN OR WHAT?"
"No you've already started."
WHAT?? KROGG HAVE LATE START? KROGG NO LIKE ORANGE JACKET MAN! KROGG NEED TO SMASH EXTRA GOOD! 
KROGG SMAAAAAAASH!!!!
SMAAAAAASH!!!

Krogg finish with mighty mighty kick. Good pain face. Loud grunt. Man in foodcart next to Krogg stop serve food to customers and watch Krogg sprint challenge. "Jesus dude" he say. Then Krogg get card.
Congratulations! You completed the KBS-Optum Health Sprint Challenge!








Krogg finish race, get off tiny little bike, and go watch Carlos absolutely murder Nature Valley Grand Prix stage 1. Krogg forget all about Sprint Challenge. 




Well few days later, Krogg get e-mail: 
Hi Sam,


Congratulations on finishing first in the OptumHealth Sprint Challenge on June 15th at 2:20!  If you would please send me your address I will mail your prize to you.  If you haven't already, take a moment and check out the link below to find your scores.




Kind Regards,
Tara 
Well now Krogg torn. Part of Krogg want to thump chest and strut around! YOU SEE HOW FAST KROGG SPRINT ON THAT TINY LITTLE BIKE? Krogg SMASH! Other part of Krogg feel slightly guilty. Krogg professional cyclist -- Krogg should be able to win Sprint Challenge. Krogg compete in one-mile trainer race against general public, with no regard for thing like weight of rider, age, or gender. Person who try sprint challenge after Krogg probably one-legged woman in late 50's. Krogg asshole caveman for even enter Sprint Challenge!


Krogg nevertheless send this e-mail in response: 


Thank you for your well-deserved congratulation Tara. KROGG KNEW HE COULD SMASH PUNY WEAKLINGS IN SPRINT CHALLENGE! Krogg professional cyclist after all -- and nothing say professional like winning! If you don't mind Krogg ask, what is prizes? If possible, Krogg request 4,000 pounds mastodon meat as prize, or new spear. Krogg wish to feed village. Please send prizes to address below, and thanks again,

Krogg 


      


No comments: