SPIDERS!

Here's how my brain works.

I was looking at my new Aero Race Jersey from Castelli. This is a really cool garment: it's like a skinsuit top, but a lot more comfortable. It's form-fitting and really stretchy, and it's got these cool edges on the sleeves that utilize some crazy new fabric I've never seen before. It's like a layer of skinsuit spandex (highly stretchy, with a non-textured weave), but it's grippy so it can hang on to an arm warmer. The effect is an amazingly comfortable, totally seamless transition, that still grips. 

SO then I was like -- wow -- fabric is friggin' cool these days! BUT WAIT -- SPIDERS HAVE BEEN THE MASTERS OF COOL FABRIC SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME (or at least the dawn of spiders). So I just HAD to watch a video on spider webs: 

Which naturally led me to this: 

SPIDERS THAT NET THEIR PREY!?!?! (Thanks to my friend Sterling for sharing) HOW SWEET!!! But also a little scary. Like if I were a cricket, I'd be so screwed. This made me really glad. Glad both that spiders aren't eight feet tall, and that people aren't cricket-sized -- cuz in either of those situations, I think it's pretttttty darn save to say that we (as in all of humanity) would be totally screwed! I mean look at what happened in Star Ship Troopers: 

Those bugs quickly swarmed and overran Whiskey Outpost, and they weren't even spiders! They didn't even have giant spinnerettes, capable of weaving giant man-catching nets!!!! WE'RE DOOMED!! THE GIANT SPIDERS WILL COME FOR YOUR CHILDREN!!!! THEY CAN SEE IN THE DARK AND PICK LOCKS WITH THEIR FEET!!!! THEY HAVE NO FEAR OF DEATH AND CAN'T BE STOPPED BY BULLETS OF FLAMES!!!!!! EIGHT LEGS!!! EIGHT-FREEKIN' BULLETPROOF, FLAME-RETARDANT LEGS!!!! WE WILL NEVER STOP ALL EIGHT LEGS!!!!!!!!!!

DOOMED I TELL YOU!!!!! DOOMED!!!!!!






I gotta go ride my bike....I'm getting too worked up here.

UPDATE: HOLY SMOKES! THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET MUCH MUCH WORSE!!! Thanks to an astute reader, my nightmares will be filled with these things -- crazy spider/goat mutants! THEY'RE SCARY CUZ THEY'RE REAL!