GliderBison Giveaway! GO CARLOS!

In celebration of Carlos' victory at the Manhattan Beach Grand Prix, I'm going to give away one of these sweet Team Exergy tee-shirts. To win, you MUST submit your entry in haiku form (or other form of poem)! Also, I'd prefer that your poem relate to Carlos' recent victory, but any poem will qualify.



To enter, just post a comment (IN HAIKU FORM)  on this post (facebook entries don't count). One post per person please. I'll draw a winner using a random number generator at the end of the month (6/30/11), and contact you regarding what size of shirt you want, and where to send it. GOOD LUCK!!!

WE WON THE CLAW!!!!!

Awh yeah. We held them off, and kept the top two spots on the podium. Quinn first, Kai second. I personally had to sacrifice my third place overall to keep the race stitched together, but it was well worth it. With only three guys in the race, we had a hard time covering the initial flurry of attacks. Eventually I decided to just ride a steady pace at the front, and keep Kai and Quinn out of the wind until the climbs. It worked. Nice work Team Exergy.

A Very Full Day

Hot diggity dog! I won the TT. My teammates finished 2nd (Quinn) and 4th (Kai). Nice work Team Exergy. 

I was awarded this very cool leaders jersey (note the fully-compliant pin-job), but I barely hung on to the crit, and ultimately conceded 9 seconds to the front group. Thus my jersey fell from my shoulders to those of my teammate Quinn. For today's 85 mile road race, Team Exergy is placed 1st, 2nd, and 3rd overall (I know, right?). Hanging on to the whole podium with only three guys in the race will be pretty hard, but the beauty of our situation is that any one of us can go up the road and Team Exergy still wins the overall.  See full results here. 

Wenatchee

Let's write a little about Wenatchee, shall we?

For this post, I'd like to write about the Tour of Wenatchee from the perspective of my Smith Optics Pivlock sun glasses. It was a good race for me (I won the TT, took second in the road race, and won the overall omnium), but it was awful for my sunglasses -- they hardly saw any action at all. Hear about it from the source: 

For the record, my sunglasses speak with a thick pirate/Scottish accent. 

Stage one: YAR! I knew it! When the easterlys first started a-pickin' up, an' bringin' bucketloads of rain with them, I knew it wouldn't be a good day fer me. Though I was fitter than fiddlesticks, an' more than ready to protect some eyeballs for a 9 mile time trial, me owner hardly even took me out of me case! Oh he took me out allright, and promptly switched out my lenses to the red ones, but he nigh wore me fer more than the twenty minutes of his dastardly warm up. Then, back in the case fer me -- he reached for his fancy-pants TT helmet with its integrated visor -- AND WON THE CURSED RACE! Think of it -- me in my case, and that scurvy TT helmet a-takin' all the credits. CURSES!

Stage two: CURSES AGAIN!! Damn you, twilight criterium in the rain! May ye drift to the bottom of the drink and die like the grimy bilge-rat you are! Me clear lenses hardly ever get to smell the sour stink of battle, and this seemed like a proper-fit time for them to draw swords and march toward the sound of the guns. So I suited up my clear young lads and readied my blade.

But NO! 'Twern't but two laps into the rain-soaked hell-beast when the grit an' the grime an' the spray slopped up my lenses, rend'ring them useless as a gudgeon without a pintle. Choosin' between water in the eyes and blindness, Sam chose water in the eyes (and a goodly amount of grit and grime). He plucked me off his head, and stowed me in-pocket for the remainder of the race. Mind ye, Sam's race was cut mighty short by those Canadian scallywags, who hit out so hard in the first laps as to shatter the field and send Sam out the back in a hurry. Hardly ten laps into the race, Sam pulled the plug -- along with two-thirds of the rest of the field. 

Stage three: CURSES THRICE OVER!!!!!! If there were ever a day of wet weather to rival Davey Jones last day at sea, this be it. The rain came down thicker than deck planks, an' the spray off the wheels felt like standing over the blow-hole of bowhead. I stayed in me case all the live long day. CURSES! Sam went off and took second on the stage, and wrapped up the omnium nice and tight -- while I sat in my quarters and stewed like a mutineer in the brig. Wenatchee Omnium, you'll rue the day....

KROGG WIN DIRT BAG DASH!!!

Boy oh boy, Krogg have big day in Idaho. Last weekend, Krogg race in race. Not normal race...this race DIRT BAG DASH! 

This first year for Dirt Bag Dash -- what good race! Race put on by JoyRide Cycles. THANKS JOYRIDE! Race start like this: 

THAT RIGHT! Dirt Bag Dash all on dirt road -- Krogg love. Why Krogg love dirt road? Because when Krogg push on pedals very hard.....KROGG SMASH!!!!!!!!! Krogg teammate Kai also love dirt road! Kai SMASH TOO!! So race start, and before long, KAI AND KROGG SMASH!!!!!! Another part of Dirt Bag Dash that Krogg and Kai love -- BEER! By time Krogg and Kai finish first lap of race, gap to next group on road bigger than gap between mammoth tusks, so Kai ask Krogg question "should we get beer now?" Krogg see no reason why not. So Krogg and Kai stop in feed zone and ask for beer, and race promoters give! Exergy cavemen drink nice cold beer, and then hurry back to bikes, just before next group on road catch. Krogg and Kai burp for a mile or two afterwards, but legs feel great! 


Kai smash dirt roads -- only dirt road smash Kai back! Kai get flat tire. Then Kai fix flat tire. Then Kai flat again! Then Kai fix flat again. Then Kai still finish 3rd. KAI STRONG CAVEMAN. 


Krogg no flat -- KROGG SMASH!!! 


Krogg WIN Dirt Bag Dash. Here podium. KROGG FIRST WIN OF SEASON!!!! 

Dirt Bag Dash also attract....you guess.....DIRTBAGS!!!! Others accuse Krogg of be dirt bag at various times in life, so this race perfect! Only one thing Krogg no plan on....bigger dirtier dirt bag than Krogg! There no words to describe the level of dirt bag achieved by John. Only photo show: 

Notice: John race in jean shorts. On single-speed. With Exergy cap. AND GREATEST FACIAL HAIR KNOWN TO MAN!


John easily win "Dirt Bag Award" for being best dirt bag. 

Congrats to John! 


Krogg win many bike races, but none so sweet as Dirt Bag Dash. DIRT BAGS FOREVER!

CHARGE!!!!!

CHAAAAAARRRRGE!!!!

Wow. Now THAT's the way to kick-off a season! Team Exergy! GO TEAM EXERGY!! WE WON THE RACE! Carlos Alzate. Learn that name, and learn it well, because you're going to be hearing it a lot this season. Things went from good to better -- we tried to shatter the field in the crosswind, but fairly quickly realized that wasn't going to happen (the winds just weren't right). So we changed tactics, and sent Andrés Diaz up the road. Once he was brought back, we attacked and covered until Carlos got away with one other rider, then posted up behind the chasing team. Carlos dropped his man with 10k left in the race, and finished a solid two minutes ahead of the field. Team Exergy lined it up for a leadout, and even though things got slightly muddled, our sprinters still finished 2nd and 3rd in the field sprint. That makes 1st, 3rd, and 4th on the stage, and our leader has a solid advantage over the rest of the field. Tomorrow's TT should suit us quite well. YIPPIE KAI-YAY!!!!!

Tour of Utah 0.0: The Prelude to the Preface to the Prologue

Ok -- before I can start this Tour of Utah blogging in earnest, I have some housekeeping to do. Thus:


I forgot to tell you about Cougar Mt. Hillclimb! 

So the Cougar Mt. Hill Climb happened two weeks ago, see? And so I says to myself, I says "Sam, you're about to go race the Tour of Utah, see? And that has some nifty little climbs in it apparently, so you might as well go out there and see how you go up this nifty little hill nearby called Cougar Mountain." So I transform my bike into a hill climbing mega-machine, see? I pull out all the stops -- I remove my lights, and take of my bottle cages. I remove my shifters and brakes and derailleurs and everything, and turn my bike into a fixed-gear, single-speed, 13lb. climbing monstrosity! BEHOLD MY WORK OF WONDER!!!!!

click on this next one for carbon overdose:

Sadly, I'm full of shit. All truth be told, this isn't my machine -- although I wish it were. If it WERE my machine, instead of my trusty old Ridley (back from retirement for another glorious run while my Blue AC1 waits for me in Utah), I'm sure I would have gone five-minutes faster than I did. However, I was pleased with my time -- but not as pleased as I was with the time of my client Davis Shepherd (remember, Krogg coach now). Davis absolutely crushed the previous record by over 30 seconds, and yours truly by 43 seconds. Uphill time trial machine of not, Davis is one ungodly-fast guy when the road starts pointing up. 

KROGG SWING AXE AT CIRCUIT RACE!!!!

So Krogg have bone to pick with LWV Circuit Race #2. As everybody in the goddam northwest cycling scene is fond of reminding me, Krogg failed to register for race two freeking years ago, and then go on to win, and then go on to get disqualified for not registering. SO. Krogg decide to register this time. Again, Krogg attack early and spend whole day off front. Krogg have good company: Krogg good friend and team mate Colin Gibson, Galen from KR, and TH from HSP. YAY! Krogg very agressive in beginning, and race come down to 3-man sprint for finish. Here how things finish: 

Oops -- wait -- that not right.....HERE how things finish: 

Krogg hat is off to Galen for winning race (Galen race best of day by far -- deserve win!), TH for shredding caveman legs many times up hill, and Colin Gibson for hanging on for 4th place! GO GIBSON!

This finish mark 10th time Krogg finish in second-place this year (and third in last three weeks!) GO KROGG!

Boris the Moped Might Have to GO.....

I'm selling Boris, my beloved moped. Boris, you taught me so much about how a two-stroke motor works (not enough to actually make you run well without stalling, but still...). You never quite got me to Aspen, but you got me to the QFC (and back!), and that's good enough for me. Boris my love, I fare thee well. 

If anyone's looking for a moped -- let me know. 

ORACLE PAUL SPEAKS AGAIN!!!!

BREAKING NEWS: ORACLE PAUL SPEAKS AGAIN!
The Associated Press

In a shocking development, Oracle Paul, the recently disgraced psychic octopus, has made another series of predictions that rocked the cycling world as much as the Vegas betting tables Sunday morning. Among other predictions, Oracle Paul claims that Sam Johnson, a racer on the Hagens Berman Cycling Team, shall lap the field, win the stage, and claim the coveted yellow jersey at the stage 4 criterium of this year's Cascade Cycling Classic. Should this prediction come true, Johnson's performance would be one of the biggest come-backs in the history of the sport. Johnson now sits in 125th place, 26:14 behind race leader Rory Sutherland. In order to capture the yellow jersey off Sutherland's shoulders, Johnson would have to lap the field approximately seventeen times. Oracle Paul appeared unfazed when told the the betting odds of Johnson doing this were approximately 1,453,221,458:1, as set by online betting agent SportsBook.com. When asked for a comment, Oracle Paul simply grabbed a hunk of crab meat with his tentacle, and shoved it into his fearsome beak.
This is a surprise turnaround for the eight-legged prognosticator, who retired from the field of sports predictions in disgrace after incorrectly pegging the same HB rider as the winner of both the prologue and the time trial. Oracle Paul, now deeply aware of his credibility issues, is asking his fans for a second chance.

Wonderful Whitman Winners!

The Whitman College cycling team is the womb from which really fast bicycle racers are born. Holy shit did Whitman aumni have a good day:

Today, Mara Abbott won her second consecutive stage of the Women's Giro de Italia, further extending her lead, and setting herself up to be the first American woman to win this stage race. She did so wearing the US champion's jersey, freshly awarded a mere two weeks ago in Bend Oregon. Mara's success is staggering -- she is now the undisputed best climber in the world. Mara, congratulations.

Also, Ben Chaddock astonished the field at the Tour of Delta by FRIGGIN WINNING THE PROLOGUE!! AHEAD OF SVEIN TUFT!!!  What the fuck Ben? Amazing job! Read Ben's blog here.

That might not be all -- there are lots of other bike races going on around the country -- Whitties, am I missing anyone?

I Gotta Clear Something Up!

So do you all remember Chris Hong? Last year he made my list of Top Five Mutant Bodies of the Tour of the Gila. Well right now, my hat is off to Chris, and his Exergy teammates, because the guy just won the Elkhorn Classic. He did so by spending 100 miles off the front of the race in a breakaway, and still having the suds to maintain (or even build) his lead over the field up the final eight-mile climb, overcoming a 1:45 deficit and vaulting from 16th overall to first. Chris Hong climbs up hills like a mountain goat riding an elevator in the Burj Dubai. So this leads me to the question: exactly how much does Chris Hong weight? When I first asked Chris' teammate this question last year, I heard an even 100 lbs. If this were true, it would mean that when I go uphill I am carrying the equivalent of an entire extra adult male rottweiler. This is the best case scenario. So:

 + 

=

However, if you head over to Oregon Cycling Action, and read their coverage of stage one, you'll see that Hong now weighs only 90 lbs:

 "Chris Hong, Exergy’s 90-pound climber who had been drafting in the wings all day, took over and set a blistering pace that caused a split in the main field."

Now we're getting into strange territory. If this is true, it means I weigh *ahem* more than twice as much as him. Think about that.
 +  

=

So is Chris losing weight? He seems faster than ever, so it's not out of the question. Could he eventually crack the 80 lb. barrier?  How fast would he go if we got him down to 60 lbs? I can see the headlines now: "Chris Hong, 50 lb Wonder, Averages 37 mph up Mt. Ventoux." Anyway, I started the day in second place by a mere five seconds. Thanks to my teammate in the breakaway, I got a free-ride most of the day, and got to really unload on the final climb. I was able to crack the race leader and leapfrog him, but my efforts were too little, too late; Hong had already flown the coop. However, considering how well Exergy rode, I'm pretty happy with second in the GC. Nice work Chris; see you next week. 

Here's (exactly) What (the hell) Happened:

Starting Tuesday morning I:

• flew out to minnesota
• raced in the prologue
• did pretty well!
• raced in the st. paul crit
• got jettisoned out the back so fast it made my head spin!
• did not make the cut for the next day
• how the hell did that happen? 
• well the course was pretty tight
• and I am still a little frazzled from my crashes at mt. hood
• but I was one of only three guys not to make the cut
• ouch
• you suck
• wallowed in self pity
• "I'm not a bike racer -- I'm just a SHAM, pretending to be a bike racer!"
• drank a few beers
• felt awesome
• realized the elkhorn classic hadn't started yet
• made a flurry of phone calls (team manager, elkhorn-bound teammates, etc.)
• made a flurry of internet arrangements (rebooking tickets, checking elkhorn rosters, etc.)
• crossed my fingers that they'd let me into the race
• flew out to seattle
• got picked up by the team van and drove to Baker City
• begged and pleaded that I be added to the roster
• raced the road race
• got third!
• raced the time trial
• got fourth!

And that pretty much brings us up to speed. 

All Done

It's 4 pm on the Monday after the Mt Hood Cycling Classic. Thus far, I've spent my day sleeping, lying down, and ejecting large quantities of snot from my nostrils. If oozing from my road rash were a conscious activity, I'd add that to the list too. Aside from the headache, the sore throat, the half-dozen patches of road rash on both sides of my body, the rubbed-raw nose, the bruises, the stiff neck, the aching back, and the massive fatigue in my legs, I feel pretty good. Holy hell who am I kidding -- I feel like I've been run over by a train.

I woke up yesterday with a sore throat, a stuffy nose, and a headache. That combined with the pouring rain made for a pretty grumpy morning. If there's one thing I hate about afternoon crits is that you've got all morning to sit around and stew, thinking about what you're about to do. It's hard to stay calm, especially when the weather is supposed to be nasty. I've done this criterium before, in the dry. It's not my favorite.

I convinced myself that this race wouldn't be sketchy. I walked around and watched the masters race. The corners seemed fine. This is fine. I'll be fine, I told myself. However, two laps into the race, I started to have my doubts. I simply couldn't take the corners fast! My front wheel was drifting twice per lap, and I was losing positions like crazy. I felt less like I was riding a bike, and more like I was riding a bull -- the damn thing kept moving underneath me! Finally I washed out my front, and went skidding across the pavement on my side, taking half a dozen poor souls with me. Fellas who crashed with me, what can I say? I'm sorry. I slid on my left side this time (the yin to my previous crash's yang). But -- and thankfully there's a but -- I got reinserted and held on (albeit barely) until the finish. I kept my 5th place in the GC, and my team hung onto our Team GC lead. See for yourself.

So that's it. Mt. Hood 2010 in the books. It was a good time, and we did well, but gosh was it a hard fought success. Here's a photo of me, at one of my lowest moments in the stage race. This is after the Mt. Tabor Crit (stage 1). Eager to light this race up (I started a time-bonus away from the yellow jersey after all), I took the hole shot into the first corner....and crashed. First guy into the first corner on the first lap, and I crashed. Then, less than four laps later, I crashed again, this time full speed at the bottom of a sweeping downhill turn. I couldn't believe it. I got reinserted a second time, and spent the whole remainder of the race scared out of my mind, fearing I would crash again. I felt like a horseman who just got bucked off his most reliable steed -- my trust in my tires, and in my bike was shattered. I got cleaned up, and patched up my cuts, and that's when Kennett snapped this photo: 

Not a happy camper. Then, less than 24 hours later, there I was, a much happier man. Stage races are strange, fickle creatures. One minute they're your best friend, the next they stab you in the back.

Now it's time to rest. Rest, and heal, and defeat this infernal cold. Nature Valley is coming right up.

Mt. Hood 1,2,3

Here are some poems about the first three stages of the Mt. Hood Cycling Classic. Well two poems actually, and a small word from Krogg. Enjoy.


Stage 1

Loops in the darkness
Around rain-covered racetrack
Four miles of fury

Treacherous corners

Await me undetected

Until it's too late

I lose all my nerve

And pull out of my turn

Grab fist-fulls of brake

Second lap faster
More importantly smoother
It's over so soon!

Results still unknown

As I drift off to dream land

Little did I know

Lang wakes before me

As consciousness dawns, "yo sam,

I think you got 8th"

Stage 2


Precious little squirrel. You probably didn't have a name -- and why would you, living your life among the trees of Mt. Tabor park? But I hope you won't mind if I give you one now, even after your life on this earth was shortened, indeed ended, brutally, last night. I think I shall name you Isabelle, little squirrel, after my first guinea pig. It's a nice name; I hope you like it. I have only used it once before, and I cared for my Isabelle deeply, so I hope you can see how much this name means to me.

Oh Isabelle, I saw you scamper 'cross our road. We were in the midst of a bike race, and safety, even that of innocent squirrels, wasn't our concern. I feared for you, Isabelle, as my mind triangulated your motion to ours. So when the rider in front of me failed to adjust his heading, and slayed you with his tire, his brutish, thirty-mile-per-hour bone crusher of a tire, I wasn't surprised. But oh how I was saddened. Murderer, I thought. This is your forrest, your park. Murderers, all of us! Your lifeless body was flung to the side of the road, the racer in front of me laughed, and I kept racing.


Stage 3

Krogg not quite know what happening. First things go good (Krogg get eighth) -- KROGG LOVE Mt. HOOD! Then things go bad (Krogg crash twice in crit) -- KROGG HATE Mt. HOOD! Then things go good again (Krogg win field sprint for second and move into 3rd in GC) -- KROGG LOVE Mt. HOOD AGAIN!!!

HERE PROOF:

(photo poached from cyclingnews via Oregon Cycling Action)

Tomorrow Krogg have time trial. Goes like this:

Start times:
11:07:00 Chris Baldwin
11:08:00 Sam Johnson
11:09:00 Paul Mach

Krogg have small message for time trialists who start near Krogg:

KROGG NOT INTIMIDATED IN THE LEAST BY THOUGHT OF CHASING DOWN MULTIPLE-TIME NATIONAL TT CHAMP, NOR IS KROGG INTIMIDATED BY DAUNTING TASK OF HOLDING OFF FORMER WINNER OF MT. HOOD CYCLING CLASSIC. NEVER-MIND SMALL DRIBBLE OF URINE ISSUING FROM KROGG'S BIB-SHORTS -- THAT MERELY SO KROGG IS LIGHTER ON CLIMBS. 

THE CLAW STRIKES AGAIN!

Boy these weeks sure have been flying by. I just finished the Mutual of Enumclaw Stage Race. As some of you may recall, I've done this race in the past, and while I didn't encounter any demonic donkeys, demonic cows, or even demonic sheep, I still had a good time.

I placed third in the time trial (same as last year). I love this race because they've used the same time trial course since 1997, and they've posted all the results on their website. It's fun to look back through the years and see who the heavy-hitters of yesteryear were. It's also neat to see riders improving over time; in 2000 Svein Tuft threw down a 13:31 (good enough for fourth). In 2007 he did a 12:25 (the current course record). My what seven years of riding a bike will get you.

The criterium was rainy (as usual), and filled with crashed (as usual). Why people skip Wenatchee to race at Enumclaw is beyond me. I made it through alive -- that's pretty much all I have to say about that.

The road race was an odd duck. I got up the road early in the race with four other guys, all of whom were interested in working. At one point we had a five-minute lead on the field, making me the leader on the road. We worked smoothly until the final climb when things started to splinter up a bit. I shelled all but one of my breakaway-mates and finished second on the stage, but first in GC. This is my first real stage race victory ever, so that's pretty cool.

To celebrate, I went on a recovery ride today. Actually it had nothing to do with celebration; it's what I would have done anyway -- but it was still a sweet recovery ride. The rain and cold of the weekend has given way to a beautiful day here in Seattle. Here's a slice:


Morgan in Magnolia



Alan and Morgan

Elliot Bay

It's (still) in the P.I. 

Post Alley

Cobbles

Pikes Place Market

PIROSHKY PIROSHKY!!!

Yum

Cobbles up to Queen Anne

Flat tire. 

Culprit: 

Bike

A Krogg's Eye View: Wenatchee Omnium

Krogg race Wenatchee stage race. Krogg give you quick rundown:

Krogg race 9-mile time trial with wheel that go CLANK CLANK CLANK in every gear except 11-cog. This mean Krogg stay in 11-cog whole race, but Krogg pretty much do that anyway. Krogg take 3rd place, behind tiny climber Morgan Schmitt and man from planet Krypton Ian McKissick. Ian crush time trial by unholy 54 seconds ahead of second place.

Krogg race 50 minute twilight criterium, and spend most of race at back of pack. "This race probably come down to field sprint," Krogg think, "I sit back here and rest, and then go sprint at end." Things all going to plan until Krogg hear announcer mention names of members of small breakaway: Sparling, McKissick, Schmitt. This bad news. Krogg have good teammates who chase breakaway and keep breakaway in check, then Krogg jump across gap nice and clean. Other GC contenders think they can have private party off front of race without inviting Krogg. This not the case. Krogg crash private party, and take 4th in sprint (unfortunately move to 4th in GC too).

Then on Sunday Krogg race 70 mile circuit race with four laps over 6-mile climb. First lap pretty boring: breakaway go, Krogg save energy, nobody really attacks hard over climb. Second lap, third lap, and fourth lap all go pretty much the same: Ian McKissick blow Krogg's mind with how fast he goes uphill, Krogg get DROPPED like hot rock over climb, then Krogg chase on downhill like really heavy hot rock loaded into runaway railroad car with rocket boosters on greased tracks flying down Mt. Everest, and finally Krogg catch back on to whatever group was left in Ian's wake. Krogg somehow manage to squeak out third place on stage, and hang on to fourth place in GC, but Jiminy Christmas -- Krogg do this by skin of his caveman teeth!