Krogg Wish He Had More Axe to Swing

Krogg love Tour of the Gila. This classic race, no matter how bad Krogg get hosed on final climb. Results posted here, but Krogg suggest you start looking from the bottom of page instead of top. Anyway, race start like normal: official man stand in front with megaphone and explain rules, Krogg chit-chat with other racers, everyone starts pedaling.

Everything normal. Or so Kroggg thought. A few minutes into race, Krogg see Mellow Johnny's racer who look a lot like Levi Leipheimer. Krogg think it coincidence and think nothing of it. Then Krogg see Mellow Johnny's racer who look a lot like Chris Horner. At this point, Krogg rub eyes in disbelief -- Krogg suffering heat stroke? Then Krogg see Mellow Johnny's racer who look a lot like Lance Armstrong, and Krogg shit his ever-loving caveman bibshorts! Krogg worried to ride near Lance at first -- what if Krogg cause crash and hurt famous cycling legend? What if Lance get angry and decide to smite poor lowely caveman by summoning lightning bolts from his fingertips like Emperor in Star Wars???? These things preoccupy Krogg for a while, then realize Lance just another guy on a bike. Krogg get over it and worry about his own race.

First thirty miles Krogg pretty content to chill out and stay out of trouble -- strong headwind make race stay together. Krogg reeeeeeelly want to swing battle axe and attack, but experience taught him better. "Those racers who attack now wasting bullets" Krogg think to himself. Eventually race reach hilly circuits however, and this time, Krogg cannot resist caveman itch: Krogg attack a few times, but sure to keep good grip on axe. After a couple of trys, (and despite being physically able to keep swinging), Krogg realize this long week of racing, and holstered that shit for the rest of the race. Krogg amazed with self restraint.

Things go pretty good until base of climb. Krogg climb bottom part of Mogollon Mountain worse than mastodon climb tree. Krogg kind of surprised by how hard he get dropped -- didn't he do ok here two years ago? Well about halfway up climb, someone alert to Krogg that rear break is rubbing. Krogg look down at rear wheel and see that--WHAT THE--KROGG HAVE BROKEN SPOKE?? WHEEL RUBBING BOTH SIDES OF BREAK AND KROGG NOT EVEN NOTICE? AWH FUCK YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!!! CHRIST ALMIGHTY--HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN RIDING LIKE THIS!!! Krogg pull over and beg last car in caravan for spare wheel. Fuck. Krogg's race over. Krogg really really really REALLY REALLY un-fucking-amused. Krogg finish race ten minutes down (keep in mind Krogg was with front group at base of climb with five miles to go -- that's two minutes per mile that Levi put into Krogg for caveman readers who can't divide). Honestly, Krogg didn't think he had good legs on climb anyway; however, broken spoke serves as convenient excuse. See? Like this: "Krogg rode 90 miles with broken spoke and rubbing wheel. Krogg probably would have gotten second to Levi if he hadn't had such bad luck. Second by a tire-width in photo finish too. Stupid spoke."


Regardless of my misfortune, I had a wonderful day. I basked in the New Mexican scenery, really enjoyed gawking at the star-studded field, and final climb aside, everything went well -- come to think of it, keeping the battle axe firmly in my hands feels kind of good. I'm bummed I'm hosed for GC, sure, but at least time time my sucking wasn't due to my own stupidity.