Today. Was. Fun. (And Hard).

Well we did it. So tired now. So so so cold. And wet. Carlos simply sat behind his Team Exergy chariot all day, and wasn't really ever put under pressure. We hung on to all of Carlos' lead, and I (hopefully) held my GC spot too. Out of the whittled-down finish group of 20 or so, there were 5 Exergy jerseys in attendance. Now I'm pretty tired. My job was thus: chill out with Carlos for the first 50 or so miles, and save my legs for the heavy lifting at the end. And there was plenty of heavy lifting to be done. I felt marvelous and powerful. Although now I'm somewhat tired. The axe, as Krogg would say, was swung with both hands.

So tired now.

If you didn't see the Cycling News article about our team, be sure to read it here.

I've really only got enough blog juice for the following:

Top 5 Alexi Grewal Moments of the Day

1) Alexi started the race with some heavily used leather work gloves, but apparently they didn't insulate very well once saturated in freezing water, so he tossed them to the side of the road about halfway through the race.

2) Telling him "Alexi, it's an honor to ride with you, but I need that wheel back," after he'd slipped in-between me and Carlos.

3) One time, Alexi tried to get into our rotation. Nobody was expecting him, and he jerked around a bit. Everyone either barked at him or gestured to stay out of our rotation. Again, it's an honor, but please.

4) Alexi was sure to let us know his post-race plans involved a hot tub and tequila.

5) Alexi spent most of the first 60 miles just off to my left (just behind and to the left of our rotation).

Website Gnomes

Team Exergy has seven gnome interns. Their names are Bee-Bee, Bim-Bum, Plip-Plop, Boppy McPop, Bo-Boo, Bing-Bong and Adolphus Algernon Waitsburg III. We contracted these gnomes for the entire season through Fairy Finder Ltd., a job placement agency for magical creatures. They work for gumdrops or orange slices (the candy, not the fruit). At first we didn't take their sugar requirements seriously, and assumed they'd be content to continue working in exchange for sour gummy worms or Red Vines, but oh how we were mistaken. They turned their adorable little gnome noses up in the air at our offer, and promptly went on strike until the flow of gum-drops was restored. While their attention spans are short, gnomes are marvelously well-suited for certain tasks. Bo-Boo can glue a tubular tire in under four minutes. Contrary to popular belief, Gnomes are extremely computer savvy. Bee-Bee can write code in Java and C++. Plip-Plop used to intern over at Blizzard Entertainment and helped with artwork in World of Warcraft. Bo-Boo is rumored to be a member of Anonymous. Recently the boys have been hard at work crafting our new website. Things weren't expected to go live until March 1, but in light of yesterday's victory, our manager decided to launch the site anyway. Gnomes love schedules, so this decision sent the little fellows into a full-blown tizzy. They labored through the night, consuming thirty-five pounds of gum-drops in the process. This morning the Exergy service course is littered with sleeping, exhausted gnomes and piles empty candy wrappers, but the fruits of their labors can be seen here:

www.teamexergy.com

CHARGE!!!!!

CHAAAAAARRRRGE!!!!

Wow. Now THAT's the way to kick-off a season! Team Exergy! GO TEAM EXERGY!! WE WON THE RACE! Carlos Alzate. Learn that name, and learn it well, because you're going to be hearing it a lot this season. Things went from good to better -- we tried to shatter the field in the crosswind, but fairly quickly realized that wasn't going to happen (the winds just weren't right). So we changed tactics, and sent Andrés Diaz up the road. Once he was brought back, we attacked and covered until Carlos got away with one other rider, then posted up behind the chasing team. Carlos dropped his man with 10k left in the race, and finished a solid two minutes ahead of the field. Team Exergy lined it up for a leadout, and even though things got slightly muddled, our sprinters still finished 2nd and 3rd in the field sprint. That makes 1st, 3rd, and 4th on the stage, and our leader has a solid advantage over the rest of the field. Tomorrow's TT should suit us quite well. YIPPIE KAI-YAY!!!!!

The Callville Bay Classic

Training season is officially over. We're here in Las Vegas about to start the first race of the season, the Callville Bay Classic. See the start list here. We like what we see: lots of strong guys, a curve-ball or two, but no other full teams. The road races are short, and the terrain rolling. We previewed the courses, we tested out our race wheels, and we ate a good dinner. But we're still hungry. It's time to go to work.

The (Continuing) Adventures of Chris Hong and Krogg

Alright everybody, it's time for the latest installment of our multi-part series about everybody's favorite caveman duo: Chris Hong and Krogg.

The (Continuing) Adventures of Chris Hong and Krogg. 

Episode 2: The Bike Change

Krogg like to indulge in daydream. Please, indulge with Krogg: One day, Chris Hong and Krogg start important stage race. Stage one Hong and Krogg work together all day. Whenever crosswind start to blow, Krogg say "get on my wheel Hong!" and Hong survive crosswind. Whenever road go over steep hill, Hong say "hold on tight Krogg!" and Krogg survive hill. Stage finish atop mighty mighty mountain top, and Krogg think Hong able to win stage. "No more wind for you Hong -- Krogg pull you all the way until bottom of mountain, then HONG WIN!" So Krogg pull all the way to bottom of mountain, and Hong stay out of wind real good. Then bad luck happen! Sobbing salamanders, Hong break bicycle! OH NO! If Hong have no bicycle, how Hong win race? Good thing all riders on Team Exergy ride same pedals! Only one thing to do: caveman bike change. "Here Hong, take my bike," Krogg say, and away Hong go! 

 GO HONG, CLIMB LIKE WIND!!!!

Then, next day, stage finish in long crosswind section. Everything going to plan, until -- terrible tousling tundra tiger -- KROGG BREAK BIKE!!!! This of course leave only one option: caveman bike change! "Here Krogg, take my bike!" Hong say, and Krogg hop on Hong's bike and ride away: 

 KROGG RIDE LIKE WIND!!!

Not matter what happen, NOTHING STOP Chris Hong and Krogg.

Fantastic Ride

KROGG LOVE RIDING IN CALIFORNIA!


Today Krogg ride with Seattle friends from Keller Rohrbach team. You should remember these cavemen from Krogg blog. Ian crush Krogg at time trial last year, and Jamie crush Krogg on training ride earlier in year. Well today, KROGG CRUSH BACK!!!

We ride over famous Gibraltar mountain outside Santa Barbara. We go up up up up up! Here photo of group near top of hill.

Also on ride Spencer Paxson -- pro mountain biker for Kona: 

Also near top of hill, Krogg spot these crazy guys:

At first, Krogg pretty sure he find real live GPS (Giant Pigeon in Sky), but then someone tell Krogg these simply hang-gliders, not Giant Pigeons. Krogg ask hang-gliders if they still get nervous when they jump off giant mountains, and one hang-glider reply "I don't get nervous; I get an appropriate amount of butterflies in my stomach before a launch. Hang-gliding isn't an adrenaline sport -- it's an endorphin sport." Sounds nice. Then hang-glider pick up giant wing-bird and march towards edge of cliff:

Then with little fanfare, he simply jump into the void:



Once Krogg and group return to Santa Barbara, Krogg wish fond farewell to KR team, and then ride back to Ventura along coast. Krogg get flat tire on Highway 101, but this do little to disrupt Krogg's good mood -- look at view!

Krogg see other amazing thing on way home. DINOSAURS ATTACK FORREST!!!!!!





Mighty Mastodons -- look at those machines devour trees! This somewhat terrifying to Krogg. If that machine has teeth so sharp it can chew through tree trunk, imagine what would happen to caveman, should he accidentally fall into machine's mouth! Lastly, Krogg want to share file from real Giant Pigeon in Sky of ride. WHAT A GOOD CAVEMAN RIDE!!!!

Benevolence

Ladies and gentlemen, please bow your heads with respect, and allow me to introduce Team Exergy's Honorable Viceroy of Caffeine: Jura the Benevolent. Jura is an espresso machine of the highest order, fully automated, self servicing, and remarkably capable. Simply place your favorite coffee-bearing vessel beneath the sacred spouts, select single-shot or double, and adjust the amount of desired (additional) water to be added. Then, sit back and watch. With a whir and a buzz, Jura the Benevolent carries out your request with gusto. Moments later, your cup shall be filled with the desired amount of aromatic brown elixir -- espresso so luscious the very gods would fancy themselves fortunate to have a taste. 

UPDATE: It is my esteemed privileged to announce that Jura the Benevolent has been hired to the Team Exergy staff for the entire 2011 season. He has been assigned living quarters inside the team trailer, and his services shall be available to the team throughout the year! HUZZAH!!! BEGIN REJOICING AT ONCE!!!!

A Rainy Day at Training Camp

It was a rainy day yesterday. The forecast for the afternoon looked good, so instead of riding in the rain, we took the morning away from the bike. We rested our legs, but tested our upper bodies with a pull-up competition. The results are as you'd expect: cyclists are upper-body weaklings. I only did 4 pull-ups, but if you see how far I have to travel, I'm clearly doing twice as much work as everyone else. Mark it eight Dude.

Also, just so you have a basis for comparison, here's what it looks like if you spend as much time doing pull-ups as we do riding bikes: 

What's All the Hubbub?

As usual, there's some great Exclusive First Listens over at NPR's All Song's Considered. The entire new DeVotchKa album will be up until early March (not to mention gobs and gobs of other good tunes).

Next, be sure to check in with Ryan Parnes over at his blog. Ryan, and his band of merry North American men (namely Phillip Moony and Jamie Sparling) are all spending their year in England racing for the Raleigh Pro Cycling Team. It's exciting stuff, especially for a fellow new-pro like myself. Hopefully you'll agree.

Next, if there's one thing I love, it's being mesmerized. I'd like to thank my sister for this morning's mesmerization.


Finally, I've got to throw out a huge thank-you to our mechanic Chris, and the Williams Wheels mechanic Josh. These guys have been working hard to build our magnificent machines, and mount our grippy tires on our magnificent wheels. Chris and Josh have kept our bikes running well, and looking great. Follow Josh on twitter @williams_wrench. I'm happy to say that their hard work will be getting it's due recognition with a bike profile in an upcoming issue of Road Bike Action Magazine. Check your news stands in the coming weeks.

Chris (right), and our possible road mechanic Devian, cleaning bikes into the night. Thanks guys!

The Forecast Calls for Awesome

THIS IS AN EXTREME WEATHER ALERT FOR VENTURA COUNTY AND SURROUNDING AREA

DUE TO AN INCREASING DENSITY OF SUCK IN THE MID-CENTRAL PACIFIC, AS WELL AS A RECEDING LAME FRONT TO THE EAST, VENTURA COUNTY AND SURROUNDING AREA SHALL EXPERIENCE UNUSUALLY HIGH LEVELS OF AWESOME FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL DAYS. AWESOME LEVELS ARE EXPECTED TO INTENSIFY THROUGHOUT THE WEEK, AS PHOTOS FROM TEAM EXERGY'S TRAINING CAMP BEGIN SATURATING THE TOPSOIL. RESIDENTS ARE ADVISED TO GO OUTSIDE AND SCAN THEIR ROADS FOR BRIGHTLY-COLORED, FAST-MOVING, "AWESOME CYCLONES." IT IS SUSPECTED THESE POORLY-UNDERSTOOD PHENOMENA ARE THE ROOT CAUSE OF THIS WEATHER SYSTEM. PLEASE CONTACT NOAA TO REPORT SIGHTINGS.


UPDATE:

ALL RESIDENTS OF VENTURA COUNTY AND SURROUNDING AREA ARE ADVISED TO GO TO VELOIMAGES.COM AND CLICK ON THE "EVENTS" TAB AT THE TOP OF THE PAGE.

SLOBBER-FEST!

Scope this GORGEOUS TT bike.

Training Camp: Full Swing.

Aaaaah. Training camp is now solidly under way. The van from Boise made it, at long last, to our host house. Everyone else had much smoother travels, even our two Colombian riders Andres Diaz, and Carlos Alzate (yes, Carlos Alzate has both been to the Olympics and has his own wikipedia page). I'm thrilled to have Spanish speakers on the team, y estoy practicando mucho.

Yesterday was a bit of a mish-mash. We slept in late, and had a leisurely morning. Then we met up down at the Ventura Harbor where we spend a few hours setting up everyone's bike (most of the riders were hopping on their new Felt F1's for the first time). 

Quin and our mechanic Chris make final adjustments. 

Team Exergy's 3-ring circus. 

Erik Slack gets cute with the camera.

Then we went on a short cruise with some local cyclists to make sure everyone's gear worked properly. This marked our first "Ride the Wind," ride -- a chance for local cyclists to sample some Hammer Products, and go for a ride with the Exergy boys. We'll be doing these Ride the Wind rides all year long, whenever we have the time.

Today we went on a good old fashioned training ride. Just the team. Gorgeous roads. Amazing weather. We opened it up on some of the climbs, and started feeling each other out as riders. Ben goes uphill much better than his gigantic legs would suggest. Carlos is like a cat on the bike. Eric can pop a wheelie, and hop on his back wheel as if he's on a trials bike. It's great to see how strong everyone is. We also had Brian from Velo Images in the car all day snapping photos of us -- judging by his previous work, we've got some very cool photos coming our way.

Now it's time to eat some wonderful food, get a massage, and then have a short meeting before going to bed. Tomorrow we get to do it all over again.

Rough stuff, this training camp.

UPDATE: Here's our ride from today -- check on that loop! Everything you could ask for: beaches, lakes, mountains and rivers.

The Van

Twelve hours and counting,
Van and trailer fully packed,
Cali' here we come!

It's quite a nice van,
With plenty if room to stretch,
Best get comfortable...

Need no crystal ball,
To see what my future holds:
Van time a'plenty.

And damn we look good,
Turning heads on the highway,
Cops' heads included...

"I pulled you over,
For looking too frickin' cool,
To be in Reno..."

"...and a rig this big,
Is technically 'commercial,'
And has to weigh-in."

Thanks officer Jerk-
Spending hours getting permits?
That's what I'd call fun!

But back on the road,
Van don't small like it once did,
A mere three hours left.

TRAINING CAAAAAMP!

Krogg go to training camp in mere 36 hours. Krogg hardly able to contain excitement. For number one, Krogg get new bike fit over at WN Precision. New bike feel great! Krogg going to crush it in comfort this year. Plus ceramic bearings on Williams Wheels are smoother than baby-butt, greased-lightning, and tomato sandwich (BBGLT) on silk pillow, held by Johnny Depp. For number two, Krogg help install like $3,000 worth of new Yakima racks onto van today. Holy smoking salamanders -- just think about all those bikes on roof! Pictures to come for sure. For number three, Krogg see this:

 

Which of course make Krogg one very happy happy caveman!!!!

Don't worry -- Krogg give many report from training camp. Stay tuned!

The Universe

Frumpy polarized gracious armadillos gingerly embolden dilapidated tubers.

Sizzling bombastic nefarious dugong, pulsating indentured hornswoggling newt!

Festering unperturbed philharmonic derrigable, mottled courageous galvanized karyotype.

Insatiably gelatinous corrosive iguana, gerrymander crepuscular kaleidoscopic cleavage.

Podium. Podium. Podium. 

Update: I had no idea what a trochee (pronounced trow-key) was until this morning, but thanks to XKCD, I now have a name for my condition. Trochee fixation. Thanks XKCD, for helping me come to terms with my disability. This comic actually had me laughing out loud:

UPDATE #2: DO YOU ALL REALIZE THAT THE PICTURE AT THE TOP OF THIS POST IS A PICTURE OF THE UNIVERSE??? LIKE OUR UNIVERSE, THE ONE WE LIVE IN? THOSE LINES THAT VAGUELY RESEMBLANT A SPIDER'S WEB ARE ACTUALLY GIANT STRUCTURES CALLED FILAMENTS, WHICH ARE MADE OF SUPER-CLUSTERS OF GALAXIES, WHICH ARE MADE OF CLUSTERS OF GALAXIES, WHICH ARE HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF LIGHT YEARS ACROSS AND ARE COMPOSED OF HUNDREDS OF BILLIONS OF STARS EACH? EACH?? THE FRIGGIN' UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HELLLLLLLO GORGEOUS

HERE SHE IS! My new Felt F1. 

Yes, those are custom green MicroShift shifters and derailleurs. 

 S30x's -- more spokes for the bigger guys!!

 Ceramic bearings....nice......

 Custom Green K-Edge (look close -- it says Exergy on there).

How Could I Forget Hammer Nutrition?!?!

As some of you pointed out, when I updated my sponsors tab last night..I left out Hammer Nutrition! EGADS! I've been a user, and very devoted follower of Hammer Nutrition products for years now. They've been with me through thick and thin -- and I mean very thin. There have been times when my diet consisted almost entirely of Hammer Nutrition products. As they say, desperate times called for desperate measures -- in the kitchen. When it came to calories, Hammer Nutrition was always by my side. At one point or another, I've incorporated Hammer products into every meal of the day. For fun, you can look back at one of my first posts here on GliderBison, where I eat yet another meal of hot dog buns slathered generously in Hammer Gel.

To make amends, I'd like to submit my recipe for Perpeteum Pancakes. These little babies are protein packed, have all the necessary electrolytes, and taste great. They're pretty easy:

1 cup Cafe Latte Perpeteum
2 cups pancake mix
1 teaspoon baking powder
Water
Mix dry ingredients, then add water until desired consistency. Cook on griddle on medium heat, being careful not to burn (note: Perpeteum burns at a lower temp).
Slather generously in the Hammer Gel of your choice.
Enjoy.

Thanks Hammer.

-S

Sponsors, Sniffles, Schedule.

THE GOOD: I've updated my Sponsors tab at the top of the page. I added some new links and brief descriptions of what each sponsor brings to the table. Be sure to mosey on up there and take a peek.

THE BAD: I've got the sniffles. Goddamit! Well I for one and not going to take this cold lying down -- I plan to fight back....by lying down. I'm going to sleep for at least 12 hours straight, and if that doesn't kick this cold....then I guess I'll do it again until the cold is kicked. Right now, I'm preparing a multi-pronged assault on my cold. From the North: echinacea. From the East: chamomile tea. From the South: valerian root. And from the West: Emergen-c. This cold doesn't stand a chance.

THE AWESOME: As per request, I've got my initial schedule for the first part of the season up and running on the side-bar. BOO YEAH. CHECK OUT THEM RACES! There are plenty of holes to fill, but as for big stuff, that's the layout for the first half of the season (plus or minus a few big ones we're on the fence about). You should see some new races on there -- some of which I'm pretty darn psyched for. YEEEEEEE-HAAAAAW!!!!

An Ode to Hawkins Pack Out

Hawkins Pack Out, savior mine,
I came across you just in time,


For I was bonking somethin' fierce, 
Could barely push my easy gears! 


Twice the hill by Horsehoe's Bend, 
Balls-to-the-wall, I did ascend,


But upon returning to the other side, 
I found myself a touch cross-eyed, 


Things from there went bad to badder, 
My speed fell right down a ladder, 


By the time I hit Bogus Basin road, 
It was full-blown self-destruct mode,


As Hawkins Pack Out called my name, 
My body stopped, simple and plain. 


A giant burger, root beer, and fries,
Appeared before mine own eyes!


And that is how I made it home, 
To write for you this very poem.

SPIDERS!

Here's how my brain works.

I was looking at my new Aero Race Jersey from Castelli. This is a really cool garment: it's like a skinsuit top, but a lot more comfortable. It's form-fitting and really stretchy, and it's got these cool edges on the sleeves that utilize some crazy new fabric I've never seen before. It's like a layer of skinsuit spandex (highly stretchy, with a non-textured weave), but it's grippy so it can hang on to an arm warmer. The effect is an amazingly comfortable, totally seamless transition, that still grips. 

SO then I was like -- wow -- fabric is friggin' cool these days! BUT WAIT -- SPIDERS HAVE BEEN THE MASTERS OF COOL FABRIC SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME (or at least the dawn of spiders). So I just HAD to watch a video on spider webs: 

Which naturally led me to this: 

SPIDERS THAT NET THEIR PREY!?!?! (Thanks to my friend Sterling for sharing) HOW SWEET!!! But also a little scary. Like if I were a cricket, I'd be so screwed. This made me really glad. Glad both that spiders aren't eight feet tall, and that people aren't cricket-sized -- cuz in either of those situations, I think it's pretttttty darn save to say that we (as in all of humanity) would be totally screwed! I mean look at what happened in Star Ship Troopers: 

Those bugs quickly swarmed and overran Whiskey Outpost, and they weren't even spiders! They didn't even have giant spinnerettes, capable of weaving giant man-catching nets!!!! WE'RE DOOMED!! THE GIANT SPIDERS WILL COME FOR YOUR CHILDREN!!!! THEY CAN SEE IN THE DARK AND PICK LOCKS WITH THEIR FEET!!!! THEY HAVE NO FEAR OF DEATH AND CAN'T BE STOPPED BY BULLETS OF FLAMES!!!!!! EIGHT LEGS!!! EIGHT-FREEKIN' BULLETPROOF, FLAME-RETARDANT LEGS!!!! WE WILL NEVER STOP ALL EIGHT LEGS!!!!!!!!!!

DOOMED I TELL YOU!!!!! DOOMED!!!!!!






I gotta go ride my bike....I'm getting too worked up here.

UPDATE: HOLY SMOKES! THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET MUCH MUCH WORSE!!! Thanks to an astute reader, my nightmares will be filled with these things -- crazy spider/goat mutants! THEY'RE SCARY CUZ THEY'RE REAL!