Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Cascade Coverage Begins Now!

Welcome sports fans to the best coverage on the face of the internet of the most exciting bicycle race on the face of the planet, the Cascade Cycling Classic.

Now mark my words, I am here to personally kick the snot of every single other racer here. Pro contracts, impressive resumes, or bulging muscles be damned, heads will roll! Not only that, I have a whole team of highly-trained bicycle ninjas at my side to help me do the kicking (not that I need help per-se, but should there be any runaways, teammates could come in handy).

I have contracted the services of Oracle Paul, the magical octopus, to predict who will win the first stage.

Just like at the world cup, I gave Oracle Paul a choice between two boxes: one containing a picture of my face, and another covered with a picture of the rest of the peloton. Inside the box with my face on it, I placed several pieces of clam meat (Paul's favorite food), and inside the other box, I places a small pile of steel ball-bearings (Paul's other favorite food). Oracle paul was allowed to choose between the two boxes, and lo -- he chose the one with my face on it!

Things get started at the ripe (I'd even say past-ripe) hour of 8:30 pm with a 2-mile prologue. I shall win this, according to Oracle Paul, and my teammates will all pack inside the top ten. Huzzuh.

To see more in depth coverage, tune into Oregon Cycling Action.

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