Saturday, July 24, 2010

ORACLE PAUL SPEAKS AGAIN!!!!

BREAKING NEWS: ORACLE PAUL SPEAKS AGAIN!
The Associated Press


In a shocking development, Oracle Paul, the recently disgraced psychic octopus, has made another series of predictions that rocked the cycling world as much as the Vegas betting tables Sunday morning. Among other predictions, Oracle Paul claims that Sam Johnson, a racer on the Hagens Berman Cycling Team, shall lap the field, win the stage, and claim the coveted yellow jersey at the stage 4 criterium of this year's Cascade Cycling Classic. Should this prediction come true, Johnson's performance would be one of the biggest come-backs in the history of the sport. Johnson now sits in 125th place, 26:14 behind race leader Rory Sutherland. In order to capture the yellow jersey off Sutherland's shoulders, Johnson would have to lap the field approximately seventeen times. Oracle Paul appeared unfazed when told the the betting odds of Johnson doing this were approximately 1,453,221,458:1, as set by online betting agent SportsBook.com. When asked for a comment, Oracle Paul simply grabbed a hunk of crab meat with his tentacle, and shoved it into his fearsome beak.
This is a surprise turnaround for the eight-legged prognosticator, who retired from the field of sports predictions in disgrace after incorrectly pegging the same HB rider as the winner of both the prologue and the time trial. Oracle Paul, now deeply aware of his credibility issues, is asking his fans for a second chance.

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